What am I missing?

Clare,

Yesterday's interaction was with the younger son. My fiery tempered young man.
It is about patterns…
he is easy going and cordial until he hits an obstacle…
like a "no" from his parents…
then he becomes as belligerent as he can be in an attempt to push us so far that we cave and give in.
I hate the dynamic…
it's disrespectful from both sides.

He did ask me what other issues were bothering me…
"this can't all be directed at me" was his comment.
He's right- work is not reaching my expectations, my friend's husband died, my daughters have mutations that could cost them their health/life, my sons are numbing the world with drugs, my son may not finish school…
and that's just the first things that popped into my head.

Later he told me that school was tough yesterday, he found out that he is failing a literature class…
he is behind on several homework assignments.
One of his books is missing- and he has homework to do from that book this weekend.
So, his lack of motivation and initiative are catching up to him…
he's got to focus on the assignments and do good work.
I thought being expelled from school was enough of a threat to motivate him in the future…
he has such a short memory or attention span.

The older son spends every Friday night at his friend's house. Then he pretends to forget to come home in the morning…he promises to return the next morning…about 2 in the afternoon he texts, "I just woke up. Be home later." And then he shows up before bed.

I am really wondering how I've failed to make this house a home?
You know, a place where you are comfortable and can be yourself?
I love them. I take care of them. I listen to them. I want to be with them (usually).

What am I missing?

I want a family. I want a family that enjoys each other, respects each other, loves each other and likes each other. I've tried to create that. But it isn't happening- yet. Maybe in time?
I don't know.

Enough grumbling for today.
We're getting another 5 inches of snow today! I love snow, like to shovel, but this is getting old.
We will truly appreciate the warmth of spring this year.
Love and Light my beautiful sister,
Maggie