Don't take anything personally

Clare,

It sounds like you had an interesting weekend. I enjoyed mine as well. My youngest convinced us to pick up his Ukranian friend for the weekend. She is a lovely girl, but it definitely changes the dynamic of the house. Suddenly husband and I have to figure out who can chaperone while the other goes out. Anyway, they went snowboarding on the mountain Saturday, so I had the afternoon to myself. It was fabulous. I cooked, knitted a scarf, watched a movie, and relaxed. I needed that. Somewhere in that afternoon my headache slipped away…probably with the stress of the week.

Today I read the second of the 4 agreements…
Don't take anything personally.
This speaks to those memes that have been placed in our heads over the years.
If people say mean things about you, tell yourself it is about their broken-ness, not yours.
Conversely, if they say nice things you can't claim those either.
You have to find your value within yourself and remain centered there.

I was taken back a few weeks when I read that. I recently gave a talk for social workers. The topic was ethics of genetics. It was 3 hours, so the first hour I set the stage with some biology review of genetics. I got so much push-back…people didn't come there for a science lecture…TMI.
I read through the evaluations after to see if there was a way to improve the presentation and one person told me that I should have kept my personal information secret…I shared my years' journey to put a human face on the topic. I was devastated. How could someone not appreciate the sharing of a personal story? After reading today, I realize that person was dealing with their own issues and projecting them onto me. It was a sad outlet for them. But, I carried that weight with me for several weeks. How incredibly unproductive. What a waste of my time and energy.

We are social.
Our right brain is all about the connection we have with all other beings or creation. We allow our left brain to dominate because we like to be separate, ego-driven. But, in the end we still possess that pesky right brain…keeping us connected.

Why are we social?
I wonder if it is about perpetuating the species…
procreating and raising our young.
That would make sense.
But, there's a part of me that wants to believe that there is something more. There are lessons to be learned from connection with others. There are positive and negative interactions that teach us so much, make us stronger, make us more vulnerable, make us more trusting. The biggest lessons in this realm are learned from connection with others…socializing.

Can we change social?
Is connection an evolutionary construct that can be changed? Is the stress of our current environment demanding radical adaptation of social? I once read, I believe it was Caroline Myss, that said that eventually we would not need phones to communicate…that telepathy is quite possible if we just trusted and believed in it. But, she cynically added, that cell phone companies will maintain their piece of the market by creating devices that destroy that belief. Is all of this constant communication, continuously being on line, a precursor to that time when we will be able to access each other without devices?
Our social interactions have morphed since we were children. We spoke to people, face to face. We were only allowed to use the telephone occasionally and for short periods of time. It was a shared phone for the family. I remember the first mobile phone we got…it was so big it needed its own purse to carry it around. Husband had it for work…he gave up the beeper for the mobile phone. Then all of the advances in cell phones, then smart phones and PCs to allow messaging anytime, all of the time. We are desperate for connection so we reach out electronically- and then, too often, use it as a forum to shame and belittle others. I guess that gives us power and control over the target.

I am on a rant today. My brain is playing with all of these ideas. I should end, before this turns into a dissertation. Remember, don't take anything personally.

Love and Light my beautiful sister.
Stay warm,
Maggie