We made it!-

Good morning,

We made it.  We survived Christmas...

I just read and reread your Christmas Day post, then I read it again, and the question that screams is:  What happened to him?  Something happened that caused great pain...some kind of abuse.  Look at his patterns.  I just feel in my heart that something happened.  He is numbing, and punishing himself.  You had a wonderful day and he couldn't take the pleasure.  He created drama to recreate the familiar which made him feel isolated again...alone because he is bad and not good enough.  If we are good enough - the abuse would not have happened.

If he were a stranger, and you were asked to counsel the family - what assumptions would you make?  What patterns would you see?

But, you did have some perfect moments at Christmas-time.  This is good.  This is a gift.

Dumping trash on someone else is also troubling.  It seems he is so caught in his pain, he doesn't realize the rest of us are real.  I think you are his life-line - almost the only other person who is real to him.  That is why you get the brunt of his pain.  Did you ask the boys to apologize to the property owner, to face the person they violated?  (I was always big on face-to-face apologies.  My kids hated it.)

I remember being a teen and wondering if I were the only real person on the planet.  Did the rest of you even exist if you weren't in my reality. 

Our holiday had some mini-dramas, but overall, it was nice.  My youngest's girlfriend was with us for the first time.  So we were on our nicer behavior - although we do tend to be nice.  But she is funny and practical and very at home.  I really like her.  I spent a lot of time with my ex.  He stayed with our oldest, and they stayed late playing games on Christmas Eve, and again on Christmas Night.  It was remarkably easy.  Although he did make my youngest feel bad about her life.  So she was feeling insulted, unaccepted and hurt.

The others don't seem to care as much. 

Mostly, for Christmas, I was exhausted.  I slept well last night.  I finally feel relaxed today.  Sigh!!

Daughter preparing to run errands, so I will be taking the baby for a few hours.  Perhaps I will be back later.

I love you, Keep on loving - it's never the wrong answer.

Clare