Just thinkin'

When I shared that I thought your son may have been victimized somewhere along the way, it was because I saw the patterns.  But when you said you would ask him, I stopped to think of what would happen if we asked one of our siblings if they had ever been abused.  Some of us block, some of us forget, some of us lie and ignore.

I have a friend whose daughter was beaten by a teacher.  It happens and we don't know...How involved was he with the church?  It may sound cliche, but it doesn't hurt to snoop around.

It is important that you are recognizing your own patterns, your need for drama.  Do you break down and mess up the holidays, or do you subconsciously encourage others to do so?  Why?  And you are right, your kids work in tandem with you.  We learn together.  That's from your abuse.

But there's another layer, another generation of pain playing out at your house.

Did you promise to test urine when it came out that they did something stupid?  If so, then you had to follow through.  If not, then maybe it could have been avoided, but they still had to go pick up the garbage and apologize to the man.  But diluting urine, storing urine - that's choosing to be a liar.  Then they call you psycho to distract you from the fact that they did lie to you.  Just a bit more drama.

Mine have done that - gotten me sidetracked, trying to decide if their names had any merit.  And I forget what started it, ready to assume blame. It's all my fault - the second generation!

I just come back to - stand back, as far back as possible, and logically look at the patterns. 

I tried to call S#3 last Sunday and she didn't answer the phone.  She was the one who pointed out our family pattern - the quieter one of us is, the worse the situation we are going through.  I will try to get her again.  I know she is having a tough time with all of her grandkids in her house, then dealing with professional deadlines. 

Just thinking about my family.  We play different roles - mostly dealing with alcohol.  I see behaviors linked to shame and drama.  It's hard for me to identify it all, though, because I am in the middle....I'll continue to use yours as a mirror for mine.

Hugs,

Clare