Distractions

Dear Clare,
I was meditating this morning on your questions about my son…was he traumatized and now acting out? I will ask him.

But, then I had to ask myself did I create that chaos and distraction? Am I the one who couldn't take a peaceful day? I have been known to create a diversion of chaos to keep myself from working on really important things. Perhaps I am getting close to a breakthrough of understanding and a portion of me wants to run and hide. My oldest asked me not to do the urine drug tests until after the holiday…I agreed with her, but then after the man with my recycling showed up at my door I thought that I might as well know…the tension was already present. I think that may have been a mistake on my part.
But their attempts to 'beat' the drug test by diluting the urine…and my youngest gave me a bottle of urine that he had stored to pass a drug test (his own)…and they accuse me of being psycho and neurotic…I did this for a living…Urgent Care and Occupational Health train you well to monitor drug sample collections…they really do think that I am stupid.
Ok, see how I am distracting myself from the real message???

I need to focus…to center…and allow whatever to come through me.

I'm also eating chocolate…constantly…which makes me hyper and then drops my mood and energy to a point that I crave more…it's all the same cycle.

I was supposed to have lunch with S#3 today…yesterday she postponed it. She also told me that she is not joining the Delana gathering this weekend. I hope that she is all right. I know that she confides more in you…would/could you check in on her?

Yesterday afternoon daughter #2 and son#1 went to a movie together. They both came back happy. By the evening son#1 symbolically reclaimed his Christmas presents. I am comfortable that his flight risk is over. I actually slept in my own bed…but had the security alarms set just in case…although he knows how to get out unnoticed through a window. But things are settling down. I truly appreciate your concern and prayers.

I am going to try to settle in today…and focus on centering…while I go about my tasks…cleaning up this messy house. I hope it settles the mood here.

Blessings,
Maggie