Unshed tears

I decided that our internal swamps develop as unshed tears muck up all the dirty we feel inside.  Maybe we need to cry to drain the swamp.  Then we settle as it all dries out.  And last - we dance.  We dance to shake it loose, to feel alive, then to loose the dust of painful memories to the Universe to be transformed to something sparkly and lovely.

Yeah, I'm in that mood...

I just listened to Somebody Loved again.  I think the part about coming alive when running away, I felt like that when I left for college, hit my heart.  And now I am walking back home.  And you are there.  So I do have family.  That is the core of the emotion, I think.  But also the idea of being loved.  It is so easy to love, but so hard to accept being loved.  I wonder why.  Why is it easier to send out emotions than to allow then in?  Where is my barrier?  I have been imagining that I am Saturn lately.  When I meet someone, they are outside the rings.  With time and trust, some are allowed to move inside the rings.  Few are allowed on the planet's surface.

Tell your son that kindness and generosity are never an insult.  And giving away one's lunch is pure grace.  I loved his brother's acknowledgement of how hard it is to reach out to anyone, much less a stranger.  I think your youngest is a crusader.  His brother is more the poet.

My oldest is very aware of her issues.  And she is brave in bringing them out and looking at them, and trying to find ways to release them.  I am in awe of her strength.  She is constantly learning and evolving and becoming even more beautiful - and she is a gloriously beautiful woman.

I was reading something with someone today about evolution and differentiation.  We were talking about it personally and as a species wide and even planet wide phenomenon.  I was caught in a cycle toward center, as well as a cycle to the Universe...almost simultaneously.  So, I'm thinking, but haven't identified the thought yet.

Long day, very tired.  Went grocery shopping.  As of tomorrow, I will spend some time eating gluten-free, sugar-free and meat-free.  Let's see what this brings!

Love,

Clare