it's both, simultaneously

I thought about this today and here is where I am at with this question...

You need to heal yourself...do the work, excavating the swampy murky stuff and making peace with it or reconfiguring your perception of it...it's the alchemy of life...turning your lead- dead weight from your history- into gold. The lessons learned and wisdom gained are the reward at the end of all of the difficult work. That being said...we are meant to be communal..."where two or more are gathered, there I am"...so the work is best done in a relationship that involves love and trust. That's where we find the courage to be vulnerable.
So, the answer is...both, simultaneously.

I also think that we are destined to have a series of these relationships which pair us up with another, who is at a similar stage in healing/development...that way each pushes/pulls the other towards the goal. Sometimes we are blessed to have a lifetime friend/partner who heals/grows at a similar pace...but many times the partner/teacher changes.

I still am amazed by the sudden empathic sensation that you had the other day. I think you must be incredibly strong to have opened yourself to that experience (consciously or unconsciously). In retrospect, how do you feel about it?

I had a long, heart-to-heart with my older son today. He is struggling...feels like a failure...is being compared with his sisters, being called gay because he dresses well, not knowing what he wants to do with his life...scared because the end of high school is getting closer and then he really has to make some choice. It was good to have him open up...it helps me to understand some of his poor choices.
Not excuse them, but at least understand them.

I had a session with the energy healer today...she told me that I need to let go of the negative emotion that I hold towards the females of our family. It's funny, I always believed that I held negativity towards the males, but she has repeatedly told me that I have more blocks when it comes to the females. I started to think about Mom, knowing that something wasn't right, perhaps even that abuse was happening. I know intellectually that she had to know or suspect, but I cannot find rage, anger, frustration for her...my head won't let that sink into my heart...yet. She told me that she found more "locked doors" in my heart chakra, and couldn't open them...so she threw all of them out...all at once.
I love the imagery of this work.

I hope that you have a great night/day,
Maggie