Fragments

Clare,

It sounds as if you had a good day, connected to people.

I went to husband's church yesterday. His pastor is leaving, so this was a gathering to send her off with love and support. I really enjoy talking with her. It was nice to see some old friends.

There was an advent wreath, lit by a young family with 2 boys. The youngest was overjoyed to be helping. It was a beautiful moment. That was my Light for yesterday.

I don't remember any of our homes until S#4's birthplace. My only memory was falling through ice while walking with B#2. I remember him holding onto the hood of my coat until a larger man came along, pulled me out and carried me home. I'm not sure how accurate the memory is, Mom never talks about it. Come to think of it, she doesn't ever reminisce about when we were kids. I wonder how much she remembers about the events in our lives. When asked to recall her own childhood memories, she spoke of sad, negative things. It would be fascinating to "watch" a movie of her childhood and see
the layers of complexity in her family.

My kids give me a hard time because I don't recall memories when they tell the stories. I'm not sure if I have access to all of the memories of my life- even the enjoyable ones with my kids. How sad it is to go around with only part of your brain accessible.

The memories from that home that you are recalling are fragmented…
sit with them for a while and see if pieces start to fill in and the understanding will improve.
I think that one of the biggest sins of molestation is the on-going distrust of my own recollections…
Did it really happen or am I fabricating?
Did I make that up to call attention to myself?
Why would anyone do that to a little girl? It must be my imagination.
or worse yet…
I must deserve to be treated like this.

I have a day of errands and then back to work tomorrow. I am looking forward to seeing my clients and catch up with them.

Love and Light,
Maggie