Focusing our energy on others is powerful

Clare,

I've been told that it takes 7 attempts, on average, for a women to truly leave their abuser. I have not heard the stories of this man's actions towards our niece, her children, or their dog…
I'm sure that I don't want to know…
I probably have not heard them because S#3 isolates during difficult times…
I am also wondering…
don't take this the wrong way…
if our niece sensed that she and the kids were overwhelming to S#3 and felt she had to leave.
The last time I saw S#3 was at the post-Christmas gathering.
She made a statement,"I'm beginning to feel like Grampy."
You could read the fatigue and frustration on her face.
I wonder if her daughter also felt that channeled "Grampy" and felt she needed to distance herself.
I am not intending any negativity towards S#3…
I love and respect S#3 deeply…
but, when I got those vibes from our father, I would leave as soon as possible…
it's easier to leave than to be abandoned or unwanted.

I talked with S#3 last evening…
she is grieving for her grandson's experiences…
he carries a lot.
My youngest asked him to play video games after dinner and he was so happy.
It doesn't take much to make him happy…
or anyone for that matter…
just notice I am here and value my opinion.

I was sick yesterday.
I dressed in sweats all day…
no makeup…
I did have the energy to brush my teeth at least.
I laid upon the couch most of the day with an incredible headache and body aches.
I got up in the mid-afternoon to make dinner…
because S#3 was coming and I felt I owed her a home-cooked meal.
I realized, after she had gone, that I felt better.
I think focusing my energy on others is powerful.

I was awakened at 5:30 this morning by my dog having a seizure…
again…
she has 2 - 3 each month…
I sat with her until it was over, cleaned her up, and tried to get her to lay on the floor beside my bed again. I just got comfortable and heard her slide down the stairs. She was laying with all 4 legs out to the sides at the bottom of the steps by the time I got to her. She was trying to get up. I was so afraid that she was injured, but she was trying to get up so I helped her. Luckily, she is moving without any evidence if injury. I'm not sure I can keep going with all of these geriatric animals. I know that I will, but it is emotionally exhausting.

I questioned the vet on Saturday, before we euthanized my horse, how long would he last being unable to eat or drink? He has a tumor blocking his laryngeal area and could not swallow anything, he was really working to get air in and out. He said 3 days…we were on the third day. I asked my healer friend to communicate with him, send him love and messages from each of us. She told me that he knows his time is near, and that he was ready. She also said that "he was happy to have been my horse and friend". That gave me courage to walk up into the field with him and allow the injection. On Friday night and Saturday morning husband fed him peppermints. He heartily chewed them- and then the juice just ran from his mouth and nostrils…but he was so happy to have that taste. He slobbered peppermint juice on me as we brushed him one last time. I will remember him when I smell peppermint.
I wondered if I should have just let him pass naturally…
I wonder that about all of the animals I have euthanized…
I'm not sure what the answer is…
I'm not sure that I have the courage to experience that.
It would be a beautifully, painful process.

That's all for now.
I love you beautiful sister,
Maggie