When I was in second grade- I was in Catholic school - Sister made us take a white piece of paper. She instructed us to make a mark on the paper with our pencils. She explained that this represented our soul at birth. When we were born, we were already sinful little creatures, already unclean in the sight of god. Then she asked us each to think about all the bad things we had done, we had been doing. And we were told to make a mark for every little thing we remembered.
I think she was preparing us for the sacrament of Penance. She was letting us know how dirty we were, how unacceptable. None of us were worthy of heaven. every single one of us were gong to Purgatory. So pray little tots, pray. I remember I used to really worry about Grampa Smoke being trapped in Purgatory. I spent a lot of time praying for him.
These are the kinds of images I carry in my heart. When I talked about having a blank slate, I meant, let's erase all of these supposed sins. Let's forgive ourselves and start over. Damn - let's just go get new pieces of paper and not let Sister convince us to mark it up. Unless we want to design tattoos. Or Valentines.
I love all of the genetic switching through the family and through the generations. It makes us part of the line, part of a people. Luck of the draw (maybe) we got to be part of a bunch of screwed up people - but they are our people!
I think I;m doing fair-to-middling on living an unprocessed life. I am staying focused on foods, and allowing that to influence the rest of my life.
I had a committee meeting here tonight, and so it is later than usual. Time for my nightly complaint about exhaustion.
Until tomorrow, love my little sister!
Clare
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