No matter what...

I never thought of those dynamics before.

S#3 has taken a lot, perhaps she would win the "least favorite" contest...what a sad statement that we make by even considering who is tolerated the least in our family.
I am just curious, did S#4 pick up her furniture or was she treated in the same way?

Think about this...
even though Mom will help you out...
she does so inconsistently.
There is no established trust that she will be there for you...no matter what.
That's what unconditional love is...caring and helping...no matter what.
Our family places conditions on everything, particularly their love and support.
I found that out the hard way a year and a half ago when I told the family secrets and opened Pandora's Box. Which was very quickly slammed shut with me on the outside.

The lessons that we have learned from this family could make us crazy. They have made some of us crazy. They have the potential to devastate our trust in other humans.
I am consciously working to build trust with a man that I have known and loved for almost 30 years. That trust should have been there from the beginning, but when you live with uncertainty you learn to trust no one. This is a painful struggle to open up...I find myself fighting to maintain my strong boundaries, despite intellectually knowing that to open us is to allow myself to grow and become who I am meant to be. I know that deeper than my intellect...I know that is true all the way through my soul.
I fight with myself to allow openness and sharing...being vulnerable.

I think about the flip side of this and I feel as if I have consistently given myself to my children any time they need me. I may be blind to reality but I feel as if my kids could come to me with anything and know that no matter what they will still be loved. It is easy for me to give myself to them...but very difficult to give myself to adults. The wall that surrounded my heart allowed my children in. I believe that the only times that I have cried have been for my children.
How can I be so connected to them and yet so disconnected from others?
The challenge is to be open to all that I meet along the journey...to learn from the experiences and not pull back into that "safe place". Once I can do that I will truly be connected to the collective soul.

I am rambling...sorry.

Going back to the failure to keep promises that we have experienced with our family...
Do you see this as a trend from generation to generation?
Is this a learned behavior and if so what is the lesson being taught?
Independence?
Rugged individualism?
Self reliance?
Does anyone even think about this or care about the lessons they are teaching?
Is this just one more thing that is done without conscious thought because its the way it's always been done?

To answer your question...
omission is lying...
but if the reason you maintain silence is to protect others it may be the right thing to do.
Only you know what is best.
If you told S#3 that Mom helps you it would hurt her and make her feel even less accepted than she already does. I believe that the intention of the action is equally as important as the action itself.

Wishing you a peaceful day.
Loving you...no matter what-
Maggie