Mini-freak-out

I am very positive...But I am allowed a mini-freak out.  I think the hard part will be accepting all the love and support everyone has to offer.  That will be your gift to us - that and surviving to a ripe-old crone's age.  I think it would be hard for me - accepting  gifts and love and affection.

But you are more gracious than I am, and you'll be able to handle it.

We all love you, but now we'll be in your face about it.  And you get to be loved.

I guess there are two ways to hermit.  One is to retire from the world. The other is to withdraw from humans.  I think I am doing a bit of both.  I think you do the latter.

I don't know...we had the chance to look at who we are, what happened to us when B#2 tried to commit suicide.  We hid.  B#4's cancer seemed less threatening, somehow, but it was blamed on smoking -"This is a smoker's cancer."  Now we have another chance.  We have another chance to blow the lid off of the big secret of our lives - the big secret that controls our lives.

Will our sibs be able to blow you off?

I had a possibly irrational thought...but things are looking more and more possible for S#3's son to move in with me, and start a career here.  I was thinking about him, and realized Dad had a lot of access to him as an infant. Then I thought about who else he might have had access to, and realized it was S#4's oldest.  And which two grandchildren struggle?

Am I getting paranoid?????

I saw you second daughter in costume.  Will she appear in the pilot?

Your kids and your husband will probably experience a full range of reactions.  As will you.  As will I.  It's the gift, I fear...\\I am going to go mow a little before it rains.

Back later...with lots of love...

Clare