Coming to terms

violence--> pain--> substance abuse--> violence

Yeah… that is one of the cycles that our society is caught up in.
It is the one driving interpersonal violence as well as societal violence…
it is a cycle that repeats and grows.

Even in our own bodies we are violated…
we experience physical and emotional pain…
and then we numb which makes us violate ourselves once again.

Today was a good day…
I saw my reiki healer…
she is working to keep me strong.
She "plugged" me into the universal energy today…
extended specific grids to allow me to tap into connectedness with the universe…
I can't wait to put that to the test.
She also noted that my first and second chakras were murky again…a survival thing she commented.
I think it has to do with my still wanting connection with the family…
I am wondering what the lesson for my family relationships will be through all of this…
re-connect or release?
I spoke with S#3 and B#4 today…
it was good to talk with them.
I have not heard from the other brothers at all…
and S# 4 & 5 wanted genetic information from me…offering a perfunctory "hope you're all right".
S#4 contacted me through S#3…didn't even make a direct contact.
I sent Mom an email last week after the oncology visit and I haven't heard a word.
I sometimes wonder if she even reads my stuff.
Oh well, at least they are all consistent.

I am actually coming to terms with this diagnosis…
at least for now…
I am becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of surgery…
still scared of chemo….hopefully I can skip that part.
I find the more I tell people the less intimidating it becomes…
more and more people tell stories of their own, or their family members' journeys with breast cancer…
and it is so hopeful.
My youngest is playing baseball…
a young man on his team is just finishing chemo for Hodgkins lymphoma…
the other evening he pitched for 4 innings…
striking out a number of batters…
at the end he sat on the mound, asked for water, and high 5'ed the other players as they walked by…
he was spent, but happy…
what an inspiration…
He's bald, can barely run because of nerve damage from the chemo, and yet he is out there playing…
what a spirit!

I hope you have a wonderful night/day,
Love and Light,
Maggie