Reflections

So are we approaching health and wholeness from opposite directions?
Are we traveling towards balance from the poles?
Are we traveling parallel paths?
We started from similar places of angst, could it be that the beginning of this healing was our common point, our intersection and now we travel divergent paths, both of which can lead us to health.
But we keep coming back to the metaphor of the swamp...how does that tie us together?

I have been reading about theories and approaches to psychotherapy...
toady's is Narrative Therapy...you are the sum total of your perceptions of your "stories" accumulated throughout your life.
If you carry predominantly negative beliefs about yourself you will reinforce those by telling stories that highlight your shortcomings and failures. On the contrary, if you have a healthy self-esteem you will focus on the positive strengths within your stories.
Anyway...it made me wonder why we, us and our siblings, tell very different "stories" about our early family life. I understand that no one experienced life the same way, each of us was unique, as we still are. But what constitutes health in the recollections of the family stories from each individual that lived within the Delana family?
Is it repression and rewriting or forgetting the difficult memories?
Is it in vilifying certain members of the clan...or in canonizing others?
I have been told that I cannot help the Delana family members heal...
I can only heal myself by understanding that the feelings of fear and mistrust that I carry are not real...
they are as much an illusion as the Delanas are a real family.
I remind myself frequently that I am safe, and healing and have no reason to hold onto the illusions...
trust is possible...
some people are trustworthy....others are not...but I can choose.
The narrative therapy approach says that by rewriting your story...to focus on the positive that healing can happen...
at first I was repulsed by this idea...how can rewriting and gaining new perspective help?
But then I thought of our work here...
we began from a very closed, fearful, dark place...
but by seriously looking at the stories and memories, I have been able to truly feel as if we all did the best that we could, under the circumstances.
I can't change the events...they are historical...
but I can see the brokenness and suffering...
I can forgive those who hurt me and/or failed to protect me...
I can forgive myself for not protecting others...
I can move on with my life...and not have bits and pieces of my soul still stuck back in those places in those times.
I am not yet fully there...but I can see the path much more clearly from where I am now.
I sometimes wonder if there are more layers to be uncovered...
am I totally honest with myself about all of this?
I hope that I am...I believe that I am...I have to trust that the worst is behind...and life is ahead.

So we are bracing for a "Frankenstorm"...a good time to step back and take a moment to reflect.

I love you...
Maggie