springing

Hi Love,

Isn't life just full of ups and downs right now?  Last week for S#3's birthday- it was so much fun. Yesterday I had a large group at my house. More joy seeping into my walls. Yet we have two dear women passing.

You have the same with the joy of your first and the depression of your last.  As I was reading, I thought that he is both more aware of what he is feeling, and he feels safer telling you.  I know two of mine have had suicidal feelings. I have, too.  It helps to express them, to get those feelings out in the open.  They seem to lose their power to pinch at the brain when the light of day touches them.

Your husband's heart...interesting. What came to me is that his dependence - he doesn't like you to go away, etc.  It is kind of choking.  I think maybe, as you work this out energetically, it will become easier to be connected physically. Keep me posted.

Spring seems to be starting early, although it is chilly again tonight.  Everything feels like it ready to break loose and flow.  I am not sure if it will be good or bad, but it seems like this year will be overwhelming.  In the meantime, I think I need to make a fire in the woodstove to take the cold edge off the evening.

I took two days off this week.  I set my schedule every August for the next January - December.  And every once in awhile, I try to make a long weekend that stretches across pay periods so I don't lose too much time at once.  Many times I reopen my schedule and just let it fill back in. I was tempted to do that this week, but, instead I told my daughter I would take the babe all day, meaning I have to take off.  I have to sleep in.  I have to not write any reports.

But I only sort of gave myself time off.

It is so hard to be gentle with myself, to not push, to not overschedule.

Gotta learn to be kind!!

Tired, so not much profundity tonight.  Maybe tomorrow!

Love and hugs from Clare