reawakening

Hi Maggie,

It is windy.  The wind knocked down a tree on our road, so we were without electricity for several hours.  I told my little companion that without electricity, we could not use the computer. That's okay, she told me, we'll watch Doc McStuffin.  But not without electricity. I kept shooting down all of her ideas. We started coloring, and somehow that morphed into drawing puppets on our hands, which made her laugh hard. Then she danced like a tree in the wind.

I don't know what the image is. I don't want to claim it as a preverbal memory, because I just don't know. Add to that the changes our genetics go through when we are traumatized. I could be remembering Grandma's memories for all I know. It could be anyone in the family, or it could be symbolism for something else...all I know is I don't know if I want to know...and that I am sheltering that baby.

It is so confusing. I am still unsettled and emotional.

The dream - he was telling you what happened.  He was giving you a piece of the puzzle so we can understand. Dad did it to him because Pop did it to Dad because...which family do I follow? I can toss out a lot of names here. I wonder why this is so important to me. I have always wanted to know our story, who we were.  Some of it has devastated me.

When I realized we were descended from Vikings and Brits - invaders - I was not happy.

My week is back to quiet and normal.  I am still cleaning out. It feels like physical cleansing of home and body as well as an emotional cleansing.

My first daffodil is almost open. I love them so much. They feel like the heart trumpeting joy.  And this weekend I washed sheets and hung them outside to dry. It's like sleeping on sunshine...more joy! So there are positive things happening, warming, reawakening...

I hopeyou have a good evening...love and hugs from Clare