this-n-that

Hi Maggie,

S#3 could not come, and so it has been a quiet weekend here.  I spent the morning catching up on Quaker things - mostly responding to email for a regional committee.  I still have to complete some advertising for a contra dance we're hosting next weekend.  We could not find a caller, so a friend of mine who plays in the band, who is just learning to call, will lead the three or four dances that she knows.  Then we're going to get someone to teach the waltz and focus on that...and I am going to lead two or three dances with old fashioned singing calls.  I did this once, about ten years ago.  I feel nervous, but excited.

I met someone this week, and in telling our stories, she reminded me that I am eccentric, nonconforming and she reminded me that my life has been fun - on some levels.

Part of that came from this work that you and I are doing. It comes from my fretting about racing into 60, and my asking the question - What do I want to do?  Upon asking myself this question, my mind went blank.  Then answers started coming.  Surprising answers - if I said this before, well, old people are allowed to forget and repeat themselves interminably!  The first thing my brain said was that I want to learn French.  So I started about three weeks ago.  Then my brain listed playing the violin.  So I just picked up some rosin and a pitch pipe.  I am going to try to tune my violin this afternoon.

The exciting thing though, is that we never stop learning. Or maybe, we never have to stop learning. There's always something new or something dear we can go deeper into.

I had a friend, and she and her daughter had been mortal enemies in a previous lfe.  So their family life was very difficult. I really do think we take on some of these situations, lovingly expecting it to be OK.  Then we find out that the density here and the weight of abuse is much, much harder than we can possibly imagine from the other side.

When my kids were young, the girls always wanted to sit and talk. But the boys...The words, "We have to talk..."  and I saw the deer-in-the-headlights look.  They shut right down.  But if we worked side-by-side, both looking in the same direction - they talked.  Just like going for a ride with your son.  I liked seeing that it worked for you as well. 

I don't know, but it seems like in this time of such portentuous change, that we need to solve these old long-standing issues.  We are choosing to be born close to the people we need to come to peace with, we have to do it so we can let it go and be ready for the next layer...It was very honest and brave for your son to admit he wishes his brother was not there, but, now that those words are out there, it's time to find way to peace.  They chose to be brothers to work on this. I hope they can do it...

About the car dream. I didn't think in terms of first half/second half of my life.  I will consider this.  I guess that means my second half will not be powered by any obvious, visible or traditional power source!  I like that potential!

I wonder if it's possible to have a catharsis at Uncle B's funeral.  It seemed possible after B#2's suicide attempt, but that got shot down as soon as it got uncomfortable...or maybe, as soon as it stopped supporting our preferred memories.  I can't imagine anyone in our parent's generation speaking openly...maybe Aunt MJ...do you think she would talk about her memories?

Crazy thought...maybe write a play.  Write a play set at Uncle B's funeral.  Create the healing, freeing experience.

My gardens are overgrown and messy.  We did plant daffodils and garlic this week. I may not make much more progress.  Everything depends on my little companion.

Going to revel in my quiet day...

Love and hugs from Clare