search for significance

Clare,

I've had an insight that makes me uncomfortable…
I'm afraid of becoming Mom.

That sounds really disrespectful…
and I want to delete it, but it's true.

I think our mother's life is one of untapped potential. Once she said to me, " If my siblings and I had put our mind to it we could have changed the world." We were discussing their high IQs at the time.
I know her IQ is higher than mine…
and yet what did she stand for?
She left no clear mark on the world.
She is a good and decent human.
I love her for being my mother.
But, she did not use her natural gifts in a significant way.
I've come to realize that that is really important to me.
I am struggling because my professional life is not leading me into a position to make a difference on a large scale.
I help people every day…
counseling is a wonderful gift to offer to another being…
I am grateful for the opportunity.
I want to find an avenue for more.
Teaching is important…
touching students' lives, helping to guide them into adulthood…
but it leaves me feeling like there should be more.

I don't know what I want in this life.
I read a book many years ago, a pamphlet really, entitled From Success to Significance.
That helped me leave Medicine and all that is associated with that profession.
But, how do I achieve or create significance?
Where does that come from?
I've been trying to patiently await opportunity…
bloom where I am planted, so to speak…
but I'm getting older…
I don't have that much time left professionally to find significance…
I'm looking at my mother's path…
squandered potential…
and it doesn't sit well with me.

I've got to sit with this longer.
Husband says, "write a book".
What would I choose to write about?
What do I know well enough?

Thanks for listening…
Love and Light,
Maggie