impressive

I'm impressed.  I hope that your very full day ended up being exciting and fulfilling and even fun.  I feel accomplished when I make it to work on time and remain cheerful for the duration!

And I haven't been having any breakthrough insights lately...well, I had one.  I had that "I must eat" compulsion yesterday, and monitored myself today. I know the culprit was the sugar in hot chocolate.  I have been wheat free since New Years.  I think I have blasted past the withdrawal and as long as I don't eat any, I am stable.  I guess next is sugar.  I have such ambivalent feelings about sugar.  I remember taking a spoon full of sugar once, then a spoon full of honey.  The honey was warm and alive in my mouth.  The sugar was cold and dead.  And I read The Sugar Blues when I went to college.  I know it is poison, but I also want that sweetness.  I know I crave sugar when there is nothing sweet in my life.

Starting next month I am going to try an allergen-id diet.  I think the idea is to eat typically nonallergenic foods for several days, then introduce one typically allergenic food and monitor the changes.  If this is successful, and I begin to understand my allergies/sensitivities/addictions better, then I will have to decide how to change my life.  Our work here has absolutely convinced me that we can't use will-power to conquer addictions.  We need our addictions to cover for some trauma or sustain the distance from the pain.

Your words about melting and shattering are very appropriate for today - when it is COLD outside.  We have been warned to stay indoors, and if we go out to make sure all skin is covered.  This is when I worry about the homeless the most.  We live in such violence...

I am chilly and tired, so I think it's time for me to turn in.  I can't wait to hear your account of your very full day.

Love you,

Clare