247 buttons

Clare,
Sorry it's late and my body and mind are tired. I want to check in and let you know that I am here, despite a hectic day.

I taught this morning…
then I drove about an hour to a fabric store, we needed more for this theatrical project we're involved in.
I am sharing the work with an 83 year old woman who lives where my horses are. She is frustrated because we have had to deal with lousy measurements, incomplete patterns and delays from the actors' side. I was getting pretty anxious driving with her. I wanted to tell her that this was supposed to bring us joy, and relieve her boredom that she complains about. I just sat with the anxiety.

We got what we needed, including 247 buttons for the men's coats, waistcoats and breeches…
what a party that will be to sew all go those onto the garments. Luckily we bought more than 144 so we got them at 8 cents a piece. I came home and had to translate a size 24 pattern into a larger size. I think it will work, but am too tired to really think it through. I have enough material that even if I totally have screwed it up I can try again.

We do get sucked into society's ideals, trying hard to fit the perfect mold…
and yet we want to be unique and have people notice us.
How did we get so conflicted?
I try very hard to be healthy, but I do find myself comparing my ass to other people's…
I have read that that is a very 'white woman' thing to do…
comparing our shapes to the other women around us.
I don't think that black women do this.
Why are we so competitive?

I am too tired to answer questions…only ask them.

Love and Light,
Maggie