Seeing my own patterns

I had another crazy day...running from morning until evening. I really have to just stop and breathe.

It's funny, for the past year you've been referring to my yellow chakra, which is the solar plexus/will chakra...but I have been thinking my problem is in  my throat chakra. I read your words, but my thoughts consistently were about a block between head and heart. I think it just shows how little I want to move down into my lower chakras and body. I guess I believed that f I cut myself off from the lower chairs I could still find wholeness, be able to get past all of that 'stuff' by 'forgiving and forgetting' it...that's delusional at best.

I am still not sure what the significance of oil or nonstick teflon in my third chakra is. What you say makes sense, but why would something positive or protective be buried within the sludge and wet mud? I am wondering what is lurking beneath the slippery surface that wants to fortify it's hiding place. I am looking forward to next week to find out. She did explain that the deeper we dig the more difficult the memories are to deal with...and I still have at least 4 layers in my heart to open.

I was able to help out at the DV shelter's Halloween party this afternoon. The kids loved it, they were happy and laughing. It is really sad to think how unstable their lives are. But, for a short time today they were just kids playing.

I heard an interview with Pat Conroy who wrote a follow-up to The Great Santini...how he comes to terms with his father before his death. I am just so incredibly tired of the commonness of interpersonal violence, particularly within our families. Why can't we just love and connect? Why do we have to control and fight for power over and ownership of others? Why are we humans so disconnected?
What will it take to recreate health and connections? It probably will never be possible on a large scale, but it can change on the individual level. We need to face our demons, release their power over our actions and habits, and live in respect and connection. But most don't even acknowledge that have demons...denial is a powerful force. I can't imagine what this world would be like if families were strong...then outside violence and instability wouldn't affect us so deeply. We would have a stable trustworthy base. Maybe that's for the next generation.

Sorry, I am back in questioning mode. Maybe the answers will come in my dreams...I can hope!

I love you,
Maggie