Orange -> Yellow

I think you are right about the funeral I described.  There was nothing removed or antiseptic about it.  There was no pretending that chemicals and lead lining protect us.  It was just one young, lovely woman in the Earth.  She was gone from us and we couldn't escape the emotions.

So, when you say between second and third chakras, I think you mean between the orange and the yellow.  Interestingly enough, the energy healer I went to said I had a break in my chakras in the same region.  That must be the area of most damage when raised in the abuse we faced.  It makes sense, though.  The orange chakra is about community, I think.  It is about our ability to form and maintain relationships on many levels, but most sacredly on a sexual level.  Sexual abuse makes us unclean and unwelcome.  We are not worthy of being part of the community because we are dirty...but the abusers, they are just fine because they have power and obviously know how to use it.  The yellow chakra is our will.  We are in charge of our own bodies, our own lives when healthy and in balance.  The two chakras must be detached from each other in order for us to submit to sexual abuse.

You did have mud.  That's the swamp.  You carry it with you.  That's the link to "home!"  You are finally getting rid of the swamp, and uncovering oil.  The oil may be what is allowing the mud to slide off.  It might be a thinner version of the mud.  As you analyze and become braver, you don't need the mud...maybe.  Consider that not only does pain not stick to you, neither do people.  You very well might be looking at the layer that keeps people from actually crawling into your heart.

Don't forget - teflon is meant to protect.  It's not necessarily bad.  But maybe it's time to upgrade your cookware!

I look forward to your insights on Mom and Dad and Pop.  I feel a little nervous about Pop.  I wonder how far his influence reaches.  How many generations did he hurt?

Duh...when you said counselling group, I thought someone was inviting you to be counselled with the group.  I reread and got it - you may become a counselor.  Follow the doors that open, especially if they feel right. It may not be where you are going, but simply the next step.

I must go mow my lawn, hopefully for the last time of the year...no, definitely for the last time of the year.  And I have to stack firewood.  Luckily, the sun is shining, so it's a good day to be outside.

Love and hugs,

Clare