Yeshua uprooted fear, which is the root of evil,
the poisoner of our lives;but he only uprooted part of it,
leaving us to dig out our own roots,
so that each person works to uproot from their own heart
that evil which is the cause of unhappiness. Heart's Voice 2 September 2012
I think maybe Love and evil may be opposites. Evil is the absence of
Love. Evil is the absence of connection allowing us to be heartless. -Heart's Voice 3 May 2012
We are spiraling! I read and reread the words you shared from the gospel of Phillip, knowing there was something that caught me, yet it escaped me quickly. The piece that I needed to really shine the Light on is:
"...fear, which is the root of evil..."
I am afraid. I never feel safe. I am controlled by evil - by lack of connection, by feeling unnecessary and unloved...
Look at the ways we are led by current governments. We are manipulated by fear. It is evil. Again, the answer seems to be - shine the Light.
If we are going to uproot from our own hearts that evil which is the cause of unhappiness, then we must learn to walk through fear.
I am very teary and emotional. I was just doing some fiberwork, so I turned on a movie, The Last Holiday with Queen Latifah. She is a repressed drudge with dreams, who is waiting for the future, for dreams to come true. I know so many women like this. I am one of them. We wait for magic to enter our lives, but we don't step through the fear to make ourselves available for anything, much less magic. And so we wait, not facing the futility. So it's the Little Match Girl living inside my head, making do with fantasy.
The movie was cliche. She is diagnosed with a fatal condition, given three weeks to live. And so for the first time she really lives. But the message hit me hard. I think she became her wild self. She became fearless, which means she became true loving, she became true love. She is both miracle, and in the story-line, miracle worker.
My first tears came when she was landing in eastern Europe. The view of the old city with a river flowing through it made me weep. I want to go there, or some place like it. I dream of this. But I have a list of what I must fix before I can even consider it. And I keep myself poor, so I have an excuse not to be brave and daring.
So who do I want to be, and how do I get there? Difficult questions...
I think you are on the exact same track when you talk about your marriage. You were in drudgery, because neither of you were vulnerable. And of course your husband is equally repressed. You would not have recognized each other, nor been the appropriate teacher/partners for each other any other way. A truly vulnerable man would not be able to see either one of us. Not now, not the way we are. But you two can become open together, each prodding the other a bit further.
Hmmm, I have a callused spirit, and I need to break it. I wonder about breaking one's own spirit versus having one's spirit broken. I know my spirit was broken in our family of origin. It occasionally shows itself, I have survived. But what part of my fear-belief, behavior, patterns is callus? What part is thick and protective?
I know there are times when I desperately want to reach out, and let fear or shame stop me. I am not good enough, I am not as good as other people. I know the times I take a deep breath and say the thing that feels hard to say, it is always okay, and usually better than okay after the words have been spoken.
Animal companions are true teachers. What do we need? Is every moment truly heartfelt?
Hope you have a wonderful evening. I'll be lost in thoughts!
Wynnie
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