boundaries

Clare,

Boundaries are tough for me.
I think that's why I am reluctant to open my self to this attempt.
When I spoke with my wise friend about reconnecting she told me to reconnect to myself...my lost parts...that's the reconnection that most matters right now.

So what boundaries are appropriate?
I hate the idea of superficial bullshit notes sent mindlessly on text, email or facebook.
I don't think I an strong enough for a all out face to face interaction.
So what's in the middle?
How vulnerable do I allow myself to be?
I say that I want to live vulnerably, but now I am looking at an opportunity I am scared.
I am remembering your story about the army recruiter and know that I should open myself up...
I need to move out of the safe, poor me, victim role and meet this head on...not hurting others, but not hiding those parts of myself that are less than "nice".

I love the dream...
I love the amount of people and various activities that are simultaneously occurring.
I think it's fascinating that you are still on the outside, watching, not really interacting fully.
The safety glasses are funny...protecting the vision...the doors to the soul...smart man...perhaps they are prescription glasses to improve the sight...and allow insight...
or could it possibly be to cover the vision and the soul?
The weight loss friend is confusing to me...
why would she be flaunting something that is elusive to so many?...
perhaps it is possible that she was able to work through her unhappiness, her traumas and was then able to shed the "insulation" that protected her from the outside...
or perhaps she is increasingly unhappy and has taken control of her eating as her life gets more and more chaotic.
A friend once told me that if she is losing weight then she spends money recklessly and when she is budgeted and controlled she eats recklessly.
Food once again becomes an addiction- one way or the other.

I have been mulling over the dependence-independence-interdepence idea.
Moving through that trinity requires an increasing mindfulness.
The dependent are passive...until they can see that there is more...they too can have power.
The violence in our world stems from achieving independence or taking power-over others. We wield this power over animals, other humans- who we perceive as less than ourselves, plants, and the earth- seen as an inanimate object to be manipulated and exploited.
When we finally can move to interdependence...understanding our connection to everything...
the mindfulness of Buddhists...
That's the Light that we are shining I think.
The Light that allows us to 'dehaunt' our souls and opens us to Truth.

That same Light may be able to beak the silence of our family's long kept secrets. Perhaps it isn't one person's control of all the others. The others will have to open themselves to the possibility that it is safe to drop their guard, and feel safe enough to share their power...their stories...their emotional chaos...to say, "Me Too".

I agree with your neighbor...don't worry...we are so much farther on this journey than we were 6 months ago...it's been really difficult...but has been worth the pain and efforts.

Lots to think about.
I love you,
Maggie