Boundaries are also difficult for me. I am usually willing to say yes whenever anyone needs my help. I think I assume everyone else is stubborn and prideful, as I am, and wouldn't ask unless in dire straits. I hate to ask for help. Since it takes so much to ask, I try to say yes.
And it's easy for me to niggle my boundaries away. I decide what is appropriate, but can be persuaded to go a little further. That was why I wanted to know how you set yours. I thought I could use the lesson.
Of course the message from our baby sister was - when you are ready to reconnect, she is open. That is not quite an invitation. We are a wishy-washy bunch!
And I have been thinking about boundaries and vulnerability. It somehow seems that being vulnerable means taking down the boundaries. But that can't be right. That could be fatal - and it's the wrong definition of vulnerable. Maybe the boundaries are set further away so that there is a nice big, safe, free area around self. Obviously I am not ready to consciously set boundaries. Sometimes I only know something is wrong when it is happening...
The dream - you're right, I am still on the outside looking in...feels like a bit more Match Girl syndrome. The weird part about my friend losing weight is that she talked to me a lot as she lost about 100 pounds. And she has kept the weight off for almost 15 years now. Everyone carried on about how young she looked. But she lost the weight fairly quickly and so the world noticed. For me, I have lost about 20 pounds a year for each of the last three years - since my oldest son's wedding. But it's happening so slowly no one is noticing - except my oldest daughter who is my most ardent cheerleader. I think a lot of the dream was about not being noticed, and not being valued. But it was also about developing community.
They other thing I have been pondering is the trinities we have identified. It dawned on me that we have two types. We have the directional trinity that moves forward, hopefully, into integration as an adult. This is dependence - independence - interdependence. As we mature, we move through these...or, if we mature, we move through these. Each is an octave higher - morally and spiritually.
But the victim - rescuer - perpetrator is a cyclical trinity. We move through these roles over and over, examining them, experiencing them from different levels of awareness. But victim and rescuer are about being receptive and extrusive (?) and the perpetrator role helps us move from one to the other. I wonder how different these roles look within the directional trinities. I have a sneaking suspicion it would relate closely to chakra work! I must think about this!!!!
I am a worrier. That was why my neighbor's message was so noticeable. She has been on so often, that I have learned to trust her gift.
I have had a long day in front of the computer. I am going to go wash dishes or something!
Sweet dreams - and may you remember them.
Love you - Clare
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