Life is good

Clare,

I love kittens. I love cats too. Sometimes I wish they stayed kittens though…
kind of like babies…
but, they too, grow.

I spoke with S#4 today. She has surgery in 3 weeks and is getting anxious. We talked and laughed about these ridiculous man-made lumps…She could use some Light sent her way.

I had a reiki session on Wednesday…
then I started with one of my 3 day headaches.
These things suck.
Yesterday was difficult.
I was nauseated and foggy.
Today I am still foggy…
I couldn't find my words this morning in class…
which was funny because we were discussing the muscular system and diseases…
I was explaining slurred speech while wrestling for words.
I had to laugh at myself.

Despite the headache yesterday was amazing.
I had clients all day.
I think the pain made me settle in more…
think less…
listen intently.
What came out of the experience was moving for me and the clients.
I was in tears more than once…
as they were.
I saw the young man to whom I've offered a home…
he's still clinging to the hope that his family will come through for him.
He shared so much yesterday…
a visual that his emotions are contained in a big, heavy, solid bowling ball he holds outside of his body.
God, that is so profound.
They're not safe inside…
so I'll lock them away outside of me.
I was moved to tell him that his greatest challenge in this lifetime will be trust…
that's a bold statement, but I made it.
I also told him that it is excruciating to be in a real relationship when you've been raised to not care or trust yourself. The eternal question, "Why would anyone love me when my parents didn't even want me around?" shames us from making real connection. I asked him to find courage to trust, first in small things, then build.
I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince him to trust me…
let me be part of that for him?
I'm not sure what motivates me until time passes and I can reflect most of the time.

I have a woman, my age with dementia…
it is terrifying to see what can happen to such a beautiful mind.
The fascinating thing is that she cannot directly remember a specific incident…
but she starts to recall smells and sounds and smiles…
and then puts the memory back together.
She was a teacher…
and I wish my kids had experienced her teaching…
she was such a loving presence for them.
I cried hearing her describe the experiences.

It's funny, I found a job that I love…
accidentally.
I took this position because I couldn't find a social justice position…
this was supposed to be temporary…
now I cannot imagine doing any other work.
The painful lessons of my life are being turned from lead into gold…
alchemy…
and they are touching other lives…
I am touching other's lives…
Life is good.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Give my love to S#3
Maggie