Ramblingblingbling

I look forward to hearing your reaction to The Vagina Monologs.  I have not seen the play, although I would like to.  I hope you and li'l sister enjoy!  And enjoy your time together.

I had one of those intrusive thoughts today.  I was wondering how much culture influences our kids, despite what we teach them in the home.  I have this feeling that culture is getting more and more influential and family/parents are less so.  Which is a shame, because we live in such a violent culture...

What set me off was thinking about foods.  I always had a garden, and so I raised my kids on organic, fresh picked foods all summer.  My oldest treasures the memory of asking, "What's for dinner?"

I got this far last night before my youngest came and found me, and needed some hands-on mothering.  Her pregnancy has not been easy.

So, where was I going???...My oldest would ask, "What's for dinner?"  and I would answer, "Let's go in the garden and see!"  And we would go pick whatever was ripe and fashion dinner around those foods.  I raised my kids on whole foods we grew ourselves.  We had milk goats for a long time.  We had our own meats.  And we always had eggs - fresh eggs.   My kids were raised thinking this was a normal way to eat.  Pizza was a treat, McD's was almost never eaten.  In fact, I used to tell my kids that there were substances we could eat, but they were not food.  Hot dogs and jello come to mind first.

So they were grounded in a pretty good food culture with pretty good expectations and tastes.  Then they get out into the wider world and discover fast food and processed foods.  And one, in particular, can't resist.  We know it's addictive.  We know it's unhealthy.  But we can't resist...

I was wondering about other aspects of family culture.  We teach our kids to be kind, respectful, to stand up for what is right.  Then we send them out into the world with it's bully culture, and how many kids succumb, become addicted to the culture.  I was really wondering about all of the people who turn their backs on violence, especially sexual violence.  Then they frost it with a little Blame the victim...

Scattered thoughts...not sure if I am making sense.

So, now it's today and I just read your post about your evening with S#3.  I'm glad you were together, even if it felt superficial.  We need these moments to add to the few weak roots we have.  With time and continued togetherness, the deeper roots can developed.  We just have to admit that our family is developmentally delayed.  But there's hope for improvement.

In our family, we are not connected.  I always thought it was just me alone in the hinderlands, until one time we talked and  B#4 said he was alone and unconnected, too.  Then I started to see that we were all in really different places, but we are all alone.  I wonder if we could meet somewhere out there - out far away from expectations or history or patterns.  We could all go dance in the void together - totally confused, but lost together!!  Just a fantasy image - you should have some idea of what it's like inside my head!

I never feel missed. Never.  I always feel like everyone is more relaxed and themselves without me there.  Sick, isn't it?

Your comment about women owning themselves hit hard.  That is a core problem.  Women do own themselves, but our culture says we can't.  Our sexuality is only real if we have a man to make us real.  I read an article about lesbianism throughout history.  No one thought that women had any sexuality without a man, and so they never saw the relationships between the maiden aunts.  Once they recognized the sexuality, our culture took it back and made it for men by presenting it as entertainment.  Girl-on-girl is hot - for men.  That takes the power away from sexual expression.  It's probably the root of the threesome...add a guy to disempower the sexuality.

So how do we present a healthy relationship.  First we have to find one...We need to recognize those little moments when we give our power away in order to be in a relationship with a man.

More tomorrow...I have been sitting for a long time, and it's been an emotional day!

Love you,


Clare