I think it's always impossible to slow down just before graduation. That's when all the finishing crunch crap presses down on you and you have to gimp exhaustedly over the finish line. But you have to look good while you do it! Which of course you always do, beautiful one!
Speak out, though. Trust your gut.
Although I have had two or three people ask me recently - why not just give in to the way things are? I was told we can't win, or maybe I can't win. And challenged: so why try? But I have to. I have to point at the pain, and state the obvious - this hurts. Otherwise we all stay numb. And I am so tired of being numb...although I have to state that thawing is not great.
I can't possibly move fast today. I am back into my not sleeping phase. Can't fall asleep. Then I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep. I don't know exactly why this happens, but it is tiring when it does. I love my job, but there's always this possibility of nodding off - which would be noticed. So today I am scattered. I wash a few dishes, vacuum a small square of floor, get sidetracked, write an article, sent some emails, ransacked for the chocolate I purposely gave away...and all the while I feel teary, which I know is exhaustion.
I know what I need. I need to go outside,. That is where I find home...
Love, Clare
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