I think I just got PIA. I tend to be the slowest...You know the old adage - She who laughs last didn't get the joke. That is often me.
My youngest is having some problems with her pregnancy. Mine were all healthy - well, except the potential C-section with #2 because the placenta was low. But it migrated, and we were fine. I am wondering if there are more problems now, or if it seems like that because of the continuing over-medicalization of birth. Maybe it's the overmedicalization of all of us throughout our whole lives. An increased ability to identify problems means we find and treat more...Sometimes it's a blessing, sometimes it's not.
Issues of a higher risk pregnancy are foreign to me. But the overall result is that we have been talking more. We have been talking to the baby more. Last night we sang to the baby. We were singing Dixie Chick's Lullaby, and I got lost in the beauty of the song and wasn't sure if I was singing to my baby or to her baby.
After I went to bed, I started thinking about mom and grammy and then I know the next two names back. I am part of this chain of women as is my daughter and this little girl inside her. I was "praying" for all of these women to help our little girl get her butt out of her mom's pelvis, and get into that head-down position. I was thinking about all of the generations of natural births, or approximately natural births...each generation gets a little less natural. It's all part of women's bodies being owned my the male establishment, I fear. They own, we have no choice, we fear our intuition and ignore it. Then we are grateful that they got us through alive.
Birthing is all about surrender. The whole lesson is that we have no power except faith and endurance. And if we surrender to the process we are transformed. We are something new.
Maybe part of what is happening is that all opportunities for transformation are being taken from us. Maybe that's why the phrase, "taking your power back" needs to be stated...
My life seems to be woven of mystical moments. When Mom had breast cancer I remember being up all night, unable to sleep, praying. I remember thinking I was not ready to be a motherless child. I guess that shows a deeper connection to her than I suspect. And maybe it also shows that I am still waiting to be mothered...During prayer I fell into a well of women...mom, grammy and back and back deeper and further I was one of them, just part of them. At the same time I conceived this girl-child and knew she was part of this chain of women.
On another note, we were driving home about a week ago and I saw a young doe, limping. I dreamed about her last night. This morning I woke up earlyish and went out with the dog. It was so beautiful I started singing to the trees, and I noticed some movement behind some bushes. I froze and it was the lame doe. She stopped twice and looked right at me. I was trying to ground, and open my heart wide. It seemed that the damage is in the top of the leg. Either she was shot or she was hit by a car. I feel for her...
Just had a long talk with a close friend who struggles with depression. We came to a realization that I wanted to share quickly, before I go clean my house. We both grew up in chaotic families, and both found ways to hide. I used to read incessantly, a book a day sometimes, hiding in my room avoiding the rest of you. Now we both feel invisible. We were wondering if we pulled on that desire too well, and - now what do we do with it???
I hope it is as sunny and beautiful at you house...Have a lovely weekend,
Clare
(How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough, is forever enough...)
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