Love is not abuse

I had dinner with S#3 last evening. It was nice, great to see her. She told me about her latest dietary changes and the impact they have on her sense of well being. We talked about my Masters program and the ending of it...the transitions that are coming. We talked, but it was safe and superficial.

I feel less uniquely isolated...she talked about only seeing B#4 when he comes for the rent checks, despite his living only a short distance from her.
We talked about the 80th birthday celebration this summer...and the ambivalence around attending it.

So this family that one year ago rose to the rescue and salvation of 'one of our own' is once again isolated and pretending...and no mention is made of the one who was re-assimilated into the fold.
How did you once phrase it..."false intimacy" or was it "pretend intimacy" or "fake intimacy"?
what ever the term, it once again will be displayed when all converge to wish Mom a happy 80th birthday.
Who will attend? Who will attend and be ignored?
Who will not attend? Who won't attend and be missed? Who won't attend and have no one notice, or just whisper that they aren't one of the flock anymore?
What a f***ed up family!
And yet, I see this dynamic in so many families...
I don't think that I know one family that is truly connected...
I am not saying that they are always harmonious...but they are deeply connected and willing to help the others...wait, I do know one...and they are amazing.

So, the Vagina Monologues, done by college women. It was funny and touching, and made me angry as hell. There were equally as many men as women in the room. I noticed that when the women were speaking about sexual empowerment the men started snickering or making comments like it was a come-on. Why can't women talk about sexual experiences, fantasies, or desires without men thinking the want to have sex with them? I honestly think they are confused....they don't feel comfortable with women 'owning' themselves, truly connecting with their own sexuality, and vaginas, so they have to make a joke out of it. They have to make it about conquering them. I actually worried about some of the actresses, who portrayed their role convincingly, being misunderstood and having the men become sexually aggressive with them. I worry too much though, I am told that I am a mother hen...

I was personally grateful that I had done Ob/Gyn in my career. I am comfortable with female anatomy, talking about sexuality (other people's more so than my own of course), listening to others' insights and questions. I took a continuing ed class once on sexuality and had to learn the "street jargon" for anatomy and sexual acts years ago. I have to say that I was extremely naive, but learned quickly which helped when I was working at Planned Parenthood and the STD clinics in Chester.
Anyway...I was brought to tears when they finished with a video called "1 Billion Rising"...about women standing together and saying "no more violence".
It has to happen...we need to end this violence against each other...against our loved ones...or intimate partners...love has a very strange connotation...and demands very strange things from it...Love Is Not Abuse...Love Is Not Abuse...Love Is Not Abuse

But, we fail to have role models to show us how nurturing and safe love can actually be...so we settle for Abusive Love...at least its attention...someone cares...even if they rape, beat, demean us...at least we're not alone...because then we really would be worthless...we have to have a man to justify our existence...no matter how he treats us...
Sorry...I am going on a rambling rant.
It is time for women to say...Me Too and stand together.
It is time for men to join us equally and raise the expectations of society...this is not normal, or acceptable.

I have to run...
I love you very much.
In the Light,
Maggie