You are beautiful Clare

Clare,

First, you are beautiful.



Second, I hope that you are done falling down.

Third, I want to gently point out your next "cop-out". Inviting your best friend to the party is like Linus taking his blanket along and then covering his head all evening with it. You'll engage only when you feel safe, otherwise you'll spend time with her. You've agreed to go to this party, to be with sisters. It is going to feel uncomfortable, but you've wanted to be included in sister activities for years. This is your opportunity. Please consider how having another person there will dilute the experience, for all of us. Is that too harsh? It's meant to be honest and loving.

What is the lie you are waiting to tell???
I understand that is for writing fiction, so I will turn it to,
What is the truth you are waiting to tell?
My "homework" for my sons program is about opening my heart…
finding the place where I can have a Heart at Peace with him and all others.
This morning I had to consider what steps I need to take to create an open heart- vulnerability.
I need to give up my own agenda- trying to control and create a perfect facade.
I need to allow my family to make mistakes or choices that teach them important lessons.
I need to not "own" everything.
My children are all writing and/or speaking to each other…
they are working on relationship…
not because I am forcing family togetherness…
but because they are seeing the value in each other.
This program, Anasazi, has made an important impact on my family.

I had a conversation with our cousin this week, the one who is journeying through breast cancer with me. She sent me a bracelet with a heart that has the word "courage" engraved. We talked about the reconstruction process. Her implants are still uncomfortable. I was so looking forward to losing the expanders for softer implants, but it sounds like it's not going to be a huge improvement. We both wondered why we went the reconstruction route. I considered not reconstructing. My daughters advised me to reconstruct. I did, because of vanity. I caved to the societal standards of real women having boobs. Even though I now have a risk for lymphoma caused by the silicon implants. Sometimes I wonder about myself.

I have to start working on a article about supporting legislation for the legalization of medical marijuana in PA. I will check in tomorrow.

Love and Light,
Maggie