In the end, it's always about me

Clare,

Yes, your heart has stored all of those memories. When I first saw my Reiki healer she told me that my heart chakra was a series of doors that all slammed shut and locked when she tried to enter. She has to pry the doors open, one by one. After almost a year of Reiki, she is still opening those doors. The confusing thing is that Dad was standing guard outside the first door. It was his spirit from a previously shared life, but it was still him. Why would he, who has hurt me through several lives together be standing guard? Is he afraid on my being hurt from things coming from the outside? Is he afraid the secrets will escape if he's not there? I am not sure of the answer, but the second resonates with me more.
I'm not a good secret keeper…
I've told my story…
people know my shame…
and they still love and accept me…
and so, shame is no more.

I am reminded of a book by St Theresa of Avila about the Castles- rooms that make up her soul and her progression from one to another along the spiritual journey. Carolyn Myss has written Entering the Castle to make it more accessible. If I get to S#4's birthday I will bring you the books. They would be a good tool for you to explore this.

I got a note from Arizona this morning, my son completed the orientation portion of his journey, has joined the band of boys, received a trail name, and remarked "This has been the best week of my life!"
What an amazing spirit. I pray that he gather the lessons that the still small voice in his heart and mother nature have to teach him. I cannot imaging the force for good that he will become if he learns to channel all of that energy for positive things. I wrote a letter to my older son about continuing to live in the Anasazi way now that he's returned to the "matrix". He is tired and sick right now. But, he's eating Dunkin and McDonalds, not sleeping enough, not exercising. I gently pointed out that sugar, fat, caffeine and salt are incredible addictive and that exercise, water and sleep are life giving. There is a ceremony called a blanket stepping at Anasazi. You have an old and new blanket. Standing on the old blanket you lay down anything you want to move away from. It can be physical- like sugar- or spiritual/emotional- like my need to protect my family from consequences so that the family is not brought under scrutiny and shamed. Once you've laid those things down you step to the new blanket and declare the tools you will pick up to help you to successfully walk forward. I am committed to no sugar while my youngest is in Arizona- that's what I left behind on the old blanket. I also left behind my need to protect- because, in reality, it was never about them- it was about my image. I picked up courage to be visible despite the drug issues that are prevalent in my life right now. I guess I'm opening myself to vulnerability.


Love and Light sister,
Maggie