Clare,
Your words about husband and vulnerability took me back to his mother's funeral. He was asked to give the eulogy. He wrote it and then practiced it on me. It was funny and lighthearted. But, he never used the word Mom or Mother…he only referred to her by her name. When I pointed this out to him, he admitted that to say Mom might make him cry…and he didn't want to cry. And, yes, you are onto something with his talk last night.
I'm feeling better today. I found out that I also sang Elvis' Love Me Tender, and that I was quite good. I've been getting rave reviews. I wonder if the Tamoxifen is making it harder for my liver to deal with wine. I really shouldn't drink at all. I have to be careful this weekend. I will just have to enjoy all of the festivities sober, high on life.
We got letters from our youngest yesterday. He had an awakening that was so necessary…
he came to realize that all of the anger that he was hurling at us, his family, was the anger that he felt towards himself for being stagnant, not challenging himself, smoking pot. He has apologized to each of us for "shoveling his shit" onto us to make himself feel better about life. It's an incredible realization- one that many adults never have. I love this kid so much. I love them all. He explained it so well that I think it's going to have a ripple effect throughout the family, because he is not the only one guilty of doing this. I am so thankful for this program and the people who are helping us to grow together. I cannot imagine what life would be like without this support and assistance.
I am really looking forward to tomorrow, sitting with you and the other sisters and just being…
whatever.
It will be fun.
Love and Light,
Maggie
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