cleaning heart

"that place you don't even think of
cleaning out. That closet stuffed with savage mementos."

  -Louise Erdrich, describing the heart in Advice to Myself

 

Every once in awhile a quote grabs me and won't let me go.  This one has been with me all day.  I keep saying that I think we are getting ready to move into our heart chakras, to live in faith, to trust the flow.  But I never thought about cleaning it out, like cleaning house.

 

 Is my heart the place where I have stored all the unkind words I have heard and I have said? Is this the place I treasure the pain that I have caused, refusing to release it and forgive myself - even though the recipients of my unkindness have forgiven and moved on.  I set here, fondling the sore spots,  picking, picking, picking - refusing to let myself heal.

 

 I still think I am bad.  I still have the voice in my head.  But maybe it is really in my heart.

 

So how do I clean out my heart? Tonight I will try to visualize my heart as a room, and see what I have stored here.  I will rearrange a little bit and see what is hidden behind furniture, shoved in a closet or under the chair.

 

 Tomorrow is another eclipse.  I feel excited foreboding.  Eclipses always bring a revelation, a gift...another step.  Usually, it is not comfortable. 

 

I'm exhausted.  Tomorrow!

 

 Love and hugs and such,

 

Clare