lie

I love reading Barbara Kingsolver. She is my current favorite.  I just finished reading High Tide in Tucson, and of course, words, thoughts, ideas  stay with me.

There is a passage in an essay when she talks about writing fiction, about creating a whopper of a story.

"Stop a minute right where you are.  Relax your shoulders, shake your head and spine like a dog shaking off cold water.  Tell that imperious voice in your head to be still, then close your eyes, and tap the well.  Find the lie you are longing to tell.  It's in there..."

The lie I am longing to tell...I am fine.  I am beautiful. I know what I am doing. 

Barbara was talking about creating fiction, I am desperately wondering if I can recreate, or maybe create, myself...my life.

I had a strange thought today.  I wondered what if someone told me I am beautiful.  I know I would shrug it off, because that is what I always do.  But what if someone kept saying it until I could not shrug it off, shut it out, ignore it, make it go away...I was living it, a little today.  I got to the point of hysterical tears - make it stop.  I wondered if resigned acceptance would be next.

What if we did this to.for each other?  It is the opposite of listening.  It is telling a truth over and over until we are listened to.

And then, in the end, Barbara eloquently described a crab molting, splitting its skin, being absolutely vulnerable until its new self solidified. 

Can we do that?

Can we be that?

So I'm thinking about this...about transformation.

It was raining today and I was running in the back door.  I slipped and slammed down on my side.  Again.  This time it was on my left side.  Again, I hit the ground hard, got up and kept going.  I am wondering if I am now back in balance...

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Love you,

Clare