Quantam Emotions!

Fear -

 

Definition:

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage, security, calm, intrepidity.

 

Etymology:

O.E. fær "calamity, sudden danger, peril," from P.Gmc. *feraz "danger" (cf. O.S. far "ambush," O.N. far "harm, distress, deception," Du. gevaar, Ger. Gefahr "danger"), from PIE root *per- "to try, risk, come over, go through" (perhaps connected with Gk. peira "trial, attempt, experience," L. periculum "trial, risk, danger"). Sense of "uneasiness caused by possible danger" developed late 12c. O.E. words for "fear" as we now use it were ege, fyrhto; as a verb, ondrædan.

 

It can be noted then that with regard to the concept 'fear' psychologists frequently mention 'avoidance behavoir,' which can be characterized as 'flight, hiding or evasion.' (See Thomson, 1979, 8 and Gray, 1971, 34.) I propose then that etymologically the stem *bhe/o-y- was merely an alternative form of the stem *bhe/o-w- 'to be,' but that when construed with the ablative case it originally denoted 'to be away from, to stay away from.' Originally the syntactic construction *bhe/o-y- *vlkw-āt denoted the avoidance behavoir, viz. 'stays away from the wolf.' Later the concrete meaning of the construction which described the act was replaced by the abstract meaning which described the feeling which accompanied the act. Thus the construction became concentrated in the verb itself, so that the form of the verb 'to be' with the element *-y, viz. *bhe/o-y took on the meaning 'to fear.'  (From:  LITUANUS  LITHUANIAN QUARTERLY JOURNAL OF ARTS AND SCIENCES   Volume 29, No.3 - Fall 1983   Editor of this issue: Antanas Klimas)    

 

 

You've got my mind roiling and turning words around and trying to find something to grab to start to make sense of fear.  I attached the above, because playing with words often helps me think. 

 

I am trying to think of a basic fear.  I am terrified of heights.  Mom said I had a broken collar bone when I was two from falling off a sliding board.  That could very well be the root of my panic when I stand on a fire tower or on a cliffside.  There are no images, just that feeling of adrenaline coursing through my whole body.  I am hyperalert, but paralyzed and I can not think.  It is a torturous combination...I have to get out of here, yet I am afraid to move.   

 

Then in less physically dangerous, yet fearful moments those feelings generalize and mix with other emotions, notably shame.   

 

I looked at your list of fears, which are so much like mine, I thought about them and something deep happened...

 

I am afraid of being alone and so I keep people at a distance, and I am alone.

I am afraid of being overwhelmed, and yet life is completely overwhelming.  I can't seem to make sense of the pieces and create peace. 

I am afraid of losing control, yet I have no control.  I am at the whim of the universe, and mostly I have learned that the universe is not kind.  I know in my heart that's not true, but my personal experiences lead me to believe in pain and separation.

I am afraid of being helpless and voiceless, yet I still don't quite know how to help myself, nor can I speak up.

 

We feel sadness and longing because all of the things we fear most are our reality.  We are living it, yet trying to identify it from inside the chaos. 

 

I am not ready to think about life in a military family.  It is still difficult and that lifestyle, that culture, is still at the root of a lot of our problems.  I have done some military activism, and it releases some of the pain for me. 

 

But I do have an alternate story for you.  Tinya was loved by two little girls.  When she lived with us, our bedrooms were next to each other.  I had to walk through yours to get to mine.  Tinya was always on one of our beds - usually yours because she loved your chenille bedspread.  She did get pregnant and Dad took her "to the Farm."  I think he dumped her along the road somewhere.  And she did walk home to us. Then after her kittens, he said she had to go.  I found her a home - because I knew I couldn't trust him.  You were probably too young to remember.  But I took her to live in a friend's barn.  I visited her occasionally, and she always came to me, and begged me not to leave.  You may have gone with me, maybe once, because there was a daughter approximately your age, I think.  She remembered us and loved us.  Once she followed me part way home, but she didn't have the strength to get very far on two legs.  I was praying she could, because then I could legitimately say she followed me.   What hurt so much was that Mom said we could keep her.  Mom named her after the character in The Christmas Carol.  We had so many animals that we 

didn't take care of and just dumped.  It breaks my heart, when I think back.  I moved once, rather than betray a dog who knew he was part of this family.  

 

I know that the kids have to get counseling, but I am glad that there will be a buffer for the time being.  Counseling is a must - I  share this message freely and widely with many, many people.

 

Back into the fear and into your words...sometimes it is so hard to identify emotions...they flow so freely from one to the next.  It's hard to grab just one...kind of like quantum physics and the true state of matter.  It may be a particle, but then again, it's a wave.  Both states are real, but you can't have both at once.   

 

 

Love you!!  C.