Just a few last thoughts about enjoying the victim role, glorying in the victim role. It is so hard to give up. (Probably more so for Catholic kids!) I remember being at an Al Anon meeting and someone said that the situation that developed was half our faults - they were addressing the group.
Half my fault? I was livid. I fumed for days. How dare they say it was my fault. I was not an alcoholic. Never. I made everything work in our family. How dare they. (Classic enabler!)
After listening to me rant for a few minutes, a close friend quietly said. "If J. had married anyone else, their situation would be different. The way things are now is because it was the two of you."
I could swallow that, wrap my poor brain around it and calm down. She gave me space from the statement, so I could breathe, then ponder, then accept the role the martyr/victim plays in the situation.
I do think child victims are different though. They have (you had) no power in the situation.
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