So, in the dream, in the past, the man has actually come into your room? You nipped that in the bud this time. Good going! I think it is very common to wake up before the crisis point in nightmares. It must be some sort of protective mechanism. I occasionally use that time, when the story is unended and I am very clear and wide awake to compose an ending to the story. I make myself strong and victorious. But I have to be with it and aware to be able to pull that off.
I would still like to know who he is, how he identifies himself. I wonder if he'll show up again now that you have defeated him.
Grammy was an RN, as were three of her four daughters. Aunt S did secretarial type work. And both brothers had advanced degrees in engineering. Definitely sexist, since all were brilliant. I never knew about the remark that T made. And I definitely don't associate with the cavalier arrogance. Some of the story that I have heard is that Mom and Dad's sister, Aunt MJ, were good friends, and Mom and her family lived next door to Uncle B & Aunt H. So there was a relationship between the two families. Either MJ or B asked Mom to write to Dad because he was in the army, stationed away from home. I have no idea how T fits into the story, because she is never part of the stories. She is kind of a prop, sort of in a lot of the pictures. I would love to know what happened.
It's weird that T said she could have had Dad, and B wishes he had married someone like Mom. Was anyone happy? And Mom said something once - don't marry the first guy who asks. There was someone else around the same time as Dad, and she chose Dad.
I did know T was an alcoholic. In that way, we are not alike. I missed Grammy, too. How many of the other siblings do you think struggle with alcohol?
One thing I have always been aware of in that family was that Grampa Smoke made sure they all had music lessons. They were all talented. And they all had a chance to get higher education. I envied that. I wanted to take music lessons, but between moving every year and the pay a soldier earns - it didn't happen. It didn't happen for any of us until a teacher took B#1 under her wing and got him a lender tuba and lessons while at school - and we discovered he had lots of musical talent.
There is only one sister left to consider in that family...Aunt J. She married a violent man who liked to make her cry, had 4 kids in 4 years and he left her for another woman. But I think her second marriage was happy. It seemed like it from the outside. She is 13 years older than me, and when I was young her friends would all make a fuss over me because I was so cute. Of course, I ate that up since not too many people thought I was cute. For some reason that triggered the memory of me taking care of S#4 when she was tiny, and pretending she was mine. S#5 always declared that she was B#1's baby. That may have been her protection from the molestation.
What do you remember of Dad's sisters? In my mind, they are all quick to laugh, and fun-loving. Only the youngest seemed strong and confident within herself. I don't think any of them had a career, I may be wrong about the middle one, though. Her first marriage was to a very violent man. She left and took their daughter, who ended up living with Grandma and Pop for years while her mother tried to organize her life. I really don't understand what happened.
Aunt T's letter came at Christmas time, enclosed in her Christmas card. It was about one page long where she acknowledged that this would be her last Christmas. She was trying to be aware of everyone, and to thank everyone. She expressed gratitude for her life and for the people in it. What struck me was that she knew the end was near, and so she had time to make peace. It was hard to wait, and a relief when she let go, because we know the end stages of cancer are painful. I compare that to Grammy's death. I talked to her the day she died. We discussed the possibility of me coming to California to visit her and Grandpa J. I told her about the guy I was dating and let her know it was serious - it was my ex. We had a nice long chat, then she had to go finish packing. A few hours later someone called me - it may have been you - to tell me she was gone. She simply passed out and was gone. It was a simple, serene death. But the sudden rip in the fabric holding our family together was agonizing. She was just not with us any more.
By that time I was really not close to any of the cousins on that side. I still don't really know them. I don't really know any on the other side either. We repeated that with our kids, and I wonder if mine will do the same. Will my grandchildren simply be polite strangers who play together every few years?
I remember Uncle J's kids. Sometimes they were around, then their Mom would take off and take some or all of them. I never understood the drama. I still don't know what was happening or why. I just know that I felt close and connected to the three of them, and then they were gone.
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