The Numbers Scream

I really don't think ostracism and isolation are coincidental.  I'm not sure if it matters which one came first, but they create a vicious cycle, each proving that the other is an  appropriate strategy.  Once in the cycle, one naturally leads to the other, then back again.  It hurts, but it feels comfortable.  Again, defining ourselves by pain.

Using and abusing food is also a good strategy.  Certain foods numb - the serotonin in wheat is an especially effective antidepressant for me.  My choice of meds shows on my hips, fat haters comment.  I hurt.  More wheat silences everything...My youngest has friends who are overweight.  I am lucky that they trust me, because they have shared their stories and I have found that they have all been physically abuse, and about 90% have been sexually abused.  Not a large sampling, but the numbers still scream.

I really appreciated your explanation of treating symptoms, especially physical symptoms of emotional or spiritual problems  Losing weight is treating a symptom.  And we blow diets by overeating because the diet causes stress.  But, trying the next diet, and the next, gives focus to life.  I don't have to face my inner demons.  I just have to find the perfect combination of foods.

I was wandering around outside earlier today, preparing for a picnic at gramma's house, and I suddenly wondered why some people  feel they are worthy and others can't seem to find that place.  Why am I not enough?  I am kind enough and smart emough, wise enough and pretty enough.  Why am I not enough?

Dreamed about cats last night.  I think there was something new - a road, a development -  that displaced them, and so they were sitting on the edge of the property looking at me.  I knelt and welcomed them and a mama cat with two kittens started to approach.  I think the kittens were grey and white.  The mama was a tabby.  I looked up the meaning in a dream dictionary - it said bad luck.  I didn't believe it.  So I checked another which said the meaning depends on how the dreamer feels about cats.  I like them.  In that case it means welcoming the feminine.  I wonder why a mama with two babies.  There were other cats sitting back to see how the first introduction was going.

So now I have trees and cats...

Hope you are having a fun holiday!

Love you,

C.

Duh - I have two daughters!