Brilliant!!!!!

Brilliant...I am in awe of your breakthrough.  We are supposed to be mystics, and perhaps it is impossible to be a mystic without walking through fire.  Maybe this is the role we took on with this life, and maybe it isn't too hard.  And maybe if we get people to walk back through their pain, we create a whole society of mystics, and I'm telling you - that's who I want to hang out with.  St. Clare of the Kitchen Sink was a somber pain in the ass!!  That was the part of me that was most like Gramma, and not playful like Grammy.  But I will always remember to thank both for their gifts...they both led me.  They have both been part of this process.  They are part of this process.  It is profound to consider they may be speaking to us through our physical beings.  (Coincidentally, my daughter-in-law sent me a beautiful post by Laura Grace Weldon.  If interested:   http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/)  Synchronicity may be my favorite miracle!

So why do we cannonize the suffering and ignore the truly valiant spirits that overcome?  I love this!!!!!  I have so much emotion roiling through my breast - both joy and sadness and unnamed feelings.  Thank you, thank whoever inspired you - because we are never alone!!

While we suffer, we are either all-involved with the pain, or we are numbing.  Neither state leaves us open for anything else.  Experiencing a toothache comes to mind - when it hurts, that pain defines your whole existence.  Once the tooth has been treated, healing begins.

What messages did I give my children?  I cringe when I think about it, but I also speak honestly and openly about it with them.  I listen when they share, and don't discount.  I consider their advice when they see things that I miss.  Part of the destruction of our psyche came from being told we did not understand or that our memory was flawed.  I try to be honest and respectful, but truly wish I could have always been this.

I don't think we have ropes and threads holding us down.  It's just thread - and not very strong thread.  It doesn't have to be.  We're like baby elephants.  When young, they are bound by a leg chain, and convinced they can not break it.  They are so convinced, that when at their most powerful, they still believe in the power of the chain.  I hate what we do to elephants, but I also hate that the same technique works on the humane.  There's just a fine fiber holding us down, restraining us, keeping us from truly living, but we believe so much in that thread, and besides it's so safe here - believing I'm unworthy and unlovable. What if I step out?  What is it like to truly live?  What if people don't like me?  What if people do like me?  I learned the truth from our parents that I am basically unlovable.  Why am I so afraid?  Do I fear they were right, or do I fear they were wrong?  If they are right, then what is my purpose for being here?  If they are wrong - then why have I had to suffer such pain for so many years?  There's no good answer...

The other thing that is nagging, is - what if I do venture forward, walk into the crowds.  I have done it before and found that people do like me.  Some people like me more than I like me, and that makes me very uncomfortable.  Becoming receptive, allowing people to see me, like me, respect me,  which strikes me suddenly as the essence of vulnerability, seems so confusing - like I'm trying to solve a brain teaser...this should be easy, if only I adjust my viewpoint a bit.  I can love others, but I still can't let others love me...NO!!! Let me rephrase - I am still resisting allowing others to love me.

Courage, my sister.  Courage - the whole heart - will be the torch.  We will know what to do.  It might be a book??? (from the digitally impaired technophobe who loves the feel of a book and the smell of old paper...)

We are making progress...we have changed.  We have changed because of our innate courage, but we have changed because we have each other.  We have changed because we are not alone.  We are changing because we know that no one should be alone.  Have fun preparing for your week at the beach.  Enjoy the process!  And smile today!