intergenerational pronoia

Hey Sister,

I found the most amazing, thought-provoking quote today.

If we carry intergenerational trauma (and we do), then we also carry intergenerational wisdom. It's in our genes and in our DNA.                                                       -Kazu Haga

It switched everything around for me.

Yeah, we have the generations of trauma and programmed in responses.  Yeah, we have lines of abusers leading up to us. But each one was also abused.

Abused and Abuser. As am I. We can't escape.

One of my favorite books ever, and I have mentioned it before, is Rob Brezsny's Pronoia.  The premise is that the universe is conspiring to help you.  And suddenly I got a big chunk of understanding.

I suddenly saw our family lines, generations of people standing, watching us, cheering us on, being available, wanting us to free our line from the generations of slime we have tried to survive in. Every one of those abusers whom I have resented, they want me/us to see them, truly see them, and to break the patterns.  They are as much the isolated, shamed child as they are monster lashing out to relieve pain.

Even Dad.

I Skyped with Mom this week and Dad would not say hello or acknowledge me or my granddaughter, although he was in the room.  And I really didn't care. I don't know if I want to be that person  who doesn't care.  But I have removed myself so much, that I don't care...

A friend has asked me if I want to help found an ACA group here in my village.  I have been reading the handbook. Some of the terminology has changed in the last 25 years. It is hitting me. I'll share at some time in the future, I'm sure.

Still sending you a song...

And love and hugs,

Clare