Clare,
I am back in the East. I already miss the desert, it was a sacred place. On Tuesday we arrived at the office and they prepared us for the reunion with our son. They explained that sometimes there is an awkwardness in the initial moments- the young walkers don't trust that their parents have changed, or can't accept their love. We had a 4 hour trip from Phoenix to the campsite, it was magnificently beautiful. The terrain changed as we traveled north to a less desert, more brushy, wooded type landscape. It was beautiful where-ever we looked. It is so unpopulated once you leave the city behind.
After we arrived we had about half an hour to wait until the brought our son to the camp. I could barely control my emotions. Finally I heard voices, Husband had been wandering and found them as they hiked down into camp, so he was at his side. The sight of him was that rush of happiness and relief that you feel after a long labor and the baby is finally birthed. The embrace was long and hard and heart-felt. We were all embracing and crying. It is a beautiful memory now. Our son was so excited, beside himself. He did not stop talking and storytelling until bedtime Tuesday night. He showed us how to make fire with sticks and a bow. He cooked us dinner- taking about an hour to prepare it for all of us. He is filled with pride and self-confidence. He has been restored. His Light has been uncovered…and he is shining.
Tuesday night we all slept around the fire- no tents. Shortly after we fell asleep we were visited by havalinas- small wild pigs. They we're snorting through some of our gear. My two men slept through the visitation, but I huddled into my sleeping bag- both frightened and curious to watch them move through the firelight. They were quietly grunting. I waited for them to leave, waited another period of time and then built the fire up to keep other animals away. I did not sleep much that night. I did get to see 6 shooting stars though. When husband and son awoke they laughed because I had used all of the fire wood keeping it bright.
Wednesday we cooked lentils with nuts and dry fruit and then hiked. The hiking was tough, but again the views that we had, in panorama, were incredible. I lost footing on a steep slope and fell, sliding about 10 feet down, pulling my shoulder as I tried to grab onto a passing rock. Needless to say my pectorals on that side reminded me that was not a good idea. When we got back to camp my head was aching. I assumed it was because of the fall. I frequently have headaches from neck/shoulder spasm. My son thought I might be dehydrated, so I began drinking more water- and feeling queasy. After an hour or so of this I started vomiting- all that water I'd been forcing came back up. Luckily it was just liquid because in the camp everything is "no trace" meaning no traces that you've been there. I would have had to dig a hole and bury any solids…which began soon after the vomiting. As my son called it "Double D's"- vomiting and diarrhea- well I was digging holes all over the place. The nice thing was how well my son took care of my needs and made sure that I was taken care of. He disappeared when his siblings were helping me through cancer surgery recovery, this was his opportunity to offer assistance and kindness.
Thursday morning we packed up, hiked about a mile up a dry creek bed and had a ceremony at dawn. Fortunately, one of our "ghost walkers" came down to help me carry my pack because I was still losing it from both ends. I was a bit dizzy by the time we got to the top of the hill. We had beautiful ceremony within a ring of stones. Everyone had the opportunity to "make a speaking from the heart". It was wonderful to hear how each of us had grown through this past 7 weeks.
My son said that what made the first change in his heart was when I claimed my own role in our dysfunction. He told me that by sharing that we all had a part in the dynamics, he felt relieved of the "black sheep" role and was able to accept and offer forgiveness. It is a beautiful thing to know you've had a change of heart and also that you've influenced another.
I will continue this tomorrow.
There is so much to tell.
Love and Light,
Maggie
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