visitor

Hi Maggie,

The dream was in the last house Mom and Dad lived in - the one where you lived to go to high school. And you're right, it was never my childhood home.  But I never had the sense of having a childhood home.  We lived in the house we moved to when Dad was sent to Viet Nam for about three years, then I lived in the house where I went to high school for a little over three years. That was the longest I ever lived anywhere.  And I didn't  really feel like either was home.

We always had a place to live, but I never felt like I was home.

Maybe my dream was in that last house because Mom and Dad were there for 36 years. It is the place my children identified as a family home.  I was only ever a visitor. Kind of explains the way I often feel like a visitor.

Maybe I was tapping into Dad's lineage, as you mentioned. It fits.  It is the source of much pain.

I was shocked when you associated your son's view of an evil earth and evil people with me.  I actually believe the Earth is divine, and breathtaking and a gift so beautiful I almost can't comprehend it.  And I believe that people are good and kind and intelligent...but the ongoing violations destroy our humanity. 

I think my feelings of being overwhelmed have more to do with me not fitting, not the world being less than a miracle.

But there are moments of - I want to get off...or, maybe, I want it all to be different.

Congrats to my nephew!!  It's nice to have direction.

I got little sleep last night and worked extra hours today. Exhaustion is settling on my poor brain...'til tomorrow...love and hugs from Clare.