better

Clare,

I feel much better today. I think I had a virus for the past 10 days…
fatigue, apathy, slight sore throat, congestion, minor GI upset…
BLAHHHHHH…
no fun.
Anyway today I feel better- not 100%…
but functional.

The death of the young men's mother does change the dynamics somewhat.
It really doesn't change their day to day…
they hadn't heard from her in 3+ years, or seen in her in over 5 years.
But- they still described her as their 'best friend'…
and told stories of their young days with her.
This past weekend a few telling pieces of information came out…
she yelled a lot…
and was an embarrassment to them.
I'm not sure where the shame came from.
I do think it adds an element of closure- no longer wishing to reattach…
but not being able to reconnect in this life.
I offered my own perspective- that when a person dies they are still close…
maybe even closer because they're not constrained by the physical plane…
and we can reach out to them at any time.

I wonder about our home when I was young…
I was constantly sleeping at a friend's house on weekends to get away. My elementary school friend's house included an alcoholic father who sometimes came home and beat up his wife. My friend and I would pretend to sleep in her room. It's crazy but that was preferable to being in our house. This was during the time that I was still being molested- I guess if I was spared the physical abuse it was a better situation. What a screwed up sense of safety. There was no real safety.
My lecture today was about regulation ( physical, emotional, behavioral) in traumatized kids…
and how it's damn near impossible to expect regulated reactions when the traumas continue and kids have no one to go to for safety. Safety is so important to development…
and yet it is so overlooked.
Parents who cannot regulate their own emotions/cravings/behaviors can't help their children learn to regulate theirs. What a world we live in.

I gave an exam today…
a poor showing by most of the class…
but there were some bright spots. It makes me frustrated to spend so much time discussing the ideas, concepts, facts…and have them so clueless about what is important.
One woman was trying to ask questions in ways that showed she had no clue what the answer was, but maybe I'd tell her what was correct. I got to the point that I said, "that is something you should have learned prior to this exam".
I spend hours offering study sessions…
most don't take advantage of them…
I offered an extra credit question…
only one explained the whole concept well…
I think I'm getting old and forgetting what a 100 level class looks like…
but I think my questions are pretty basic.
I don't know.
I guess I should reach out to the other instructor and ask what her experience has been.

I am helping my older son apply to college. He's got a crappy GPA, but good SAT scores. He may have to take a semester or two of 'gen eds' to prove himself to get into the competitive program that he wants. He wants to get a degree in scientific glass technology. He is also planning on getting a second degree in glass art and combine the two for a career in glass art. They are both associates degrees- so he's looking at 4 years of school. It's so good to see him pursuing something like this- focused, goal oriented, motivated.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie