silence returns

My grandchildren have been picked up. S#3 and hers left late last night. Ahhhh, the silence.  I am surrounded by chaos and mess, but ahh, the silence.  It is so chaotic when everyone is here, but the house is alive.  And used in ways I had never imagined.  When I folded the sleeper couch back up, it was wet underneath. When my socks stuck, I realized it was not water.  I know who did it. It was the little squirt who climbed out from underneath and complained of hurting her finger.

I wish they lived closer. I wish family lived closer.

Our niece cut and colored my hair.  Aside from an experiment with highlights once many, many years ago, I have never colored my hair before.  But after looking at the photos from S#4's birthday and seeing how gray and haggard I look, I decided to do something. I took a selfie this morning. And there was the same old me, with cropped hair.  Maybe it's not the hair or the clothes or the saggy body.  Maybe it's the way I see myself...as dull and gray and old.  I thought of the old saying about putting pearls on a swine or something like that...and no need to tell me you are uncomfortable. I know I was being really mean.

The other thing I noticed was that it was really hard to take the time to sit down and let our niece work on me.  She has good hands.  She is capable, but gentle.  I was thinking about Grandma and the way she put herself last. I always have a list running in my head.  When I get through the list, I will sit down...

So I am working on my issues - making myself uncomfortable.

I was reading about your decision to say no to the screening.  This relates to the thoughts above...Too often I feel a request must be honored. If I can say yes, I do.  Makes me a good Quaker! I need to consider that it is simply a request. I can decide based both on my needs and those of the asker.  I don't think about my needs, though. I just wonder if I can fit it in.  If I can, I usually do.  So, same goes for you - a request doesn't warrant an automatic yes if you are available.

And, yeah, that appointment was meant for you!!

It's almost December.  I always want to rush through the month.  Already I am dreading it.  I have to figure out how to find the Light.  We are celebrating the return of the Light. 

I love you!!

Clare