More authentic

Clare,

I think it's true that doing work you love feeds your soul, but it is good to take breaks every once in a while. That's the whole idea of a sabbatical- time to enrich your life by taking a break from the every day work.

I was writing to my youngest, trying to explain that my marital separation wasn't meaningless or pointless as he thinks. It was difficult to put into words in a concise way. But it boiled down to trust. I created a space that I could nurture trust with husband. I could put away my mask and facade of perfection and just be me. I believe that he has done much the same work, in his own way. I hope that my son can come to an understanding of this.

I did not dress up for Halloween. We never get trick or treaters, my older son went to a costume party, and I stayed home. I made vegetarian chili and we just relaxed. It was nice. I was mulching leaves with the mower and got quite cold before the sun went down. So a hot shower, glass of wine and bowl of chili were perfect to warm me up. I was quite excited by the amount of work I'd accomplished. Until this morning when I woke with a tremendous headache. My neck and shoulders were in spasm from the yard work. It's better now, but what a painful morning.

I went to see my horses this morning, despite the headache. My Thunder has a tick bite that got infected on his face. My Rusty cannot bend his right front knee. Both are about 27 years old, and I am afraid it's going to be a rough winter for both. I took their blankets to the Laundromat today, so they'll at least stay warm and dry. I had a talk with the barn owner- the plan is to just keep them happy. My role is to keep them happy horses until they pass.

When you write about masks I started to wonder if I still wear masks? I think I put them on from time to time- when it serves me. I do feel as if I live more authentically now. I think I live as myself most of the time. But, I will pay attention to this in the upcoming week.

I miss you. I wish we were having another sisters' get together soon. I am wondering about a long weekend in March again, on Bald Head. What do you think?

Love and Light,
Maggie