Seeds of Greatness

Clare,

You are correct- no one in our family escaped unscathed from the dysfunction. As I walked this morning I thought more about S#5's conversation with me. My brain went to an medical analogy- with deep wounds you can let them superficially close which generally ends up with abscess and/or disability or you can debride the dead tissue- sometimes many times over- until the tissue base is healthy and can fill in from the bottom up. I think S#5 was looking for the quick fix- but only the Universe knows what's festering under there. But, the work that you and I are doing is the debridement and deep healing. It is not fast, easy or painless.

I have challenged myself to have a heart to heart talk with Dad. Share our recurrent lives' patterns of abuse, failing to recognize the divine being in each other, hurting each other along the way. I don't know where it will lead- but I am really being pushed to initiate this. So, my chicken-self wants to write a letter- but my more mature self knows this needs to be done in person. I will try to schedule a visit with them.

Today our son received our first letters to him. His shadow (therapist) visited with him and took along our letters. Husband and I wrote a "seed of greatness" letter to him. Offering stories and insights as to his strengths and personality traits. The program is based upon the philosophy that each person has seeds of greatness within them that must be nurtured. It was hard for me to remember specifics of his birth and young life. I think I was so tired and overwhelmed that I did life day-by-day. But, we composed a letter focusing on his freedom to be in the moment, make friends with the outcasts, and his love of adventure and thrills. The other letters we each wrote separately. Mine focused on the things that I learned over the past weekend- mostly how my fears and expectations of abuse and addiction kept me from trusting and enjoying him and his ways. I am not accepting his drug use- but he has been making better choices and thinking things through since he started with the Reiki healer. The cancer diagnosis just pushed him too far over the edge, necessitating this program.

We will receive his letters to us on Thursday. I am not sure what to expect- but I will deal with whatever he sends my way.

I cleaned my house today-vaccuumed, mopped, unloaded the dishwasher and did some laundry- then fell asleep for several hours. I woke up with my chest wall feeling as if it was in a mammogram compression vice. I guess I over-worked the muscles. I just hate to see the house getting dirty.

So, this week's lessons for my son (and us) focuses on Light and the darkness (absence of Light). It is a good place to begin. One that I've/we've explored together many times in this blog. The assignment was to watch the sunrise and write our impressions of the dawn. We have daily homework.

I hope that you have a wonderful day.
Love and Light,
Maggie