So the Steubenville rape verdict is in. I know you have seen it. And I know you have seen the news coverage. You have seen the news coverage of those poor young athletes being robbed of their futures. "It was so difficult to sit by them as they sobbed, and then to realize they will be identified as sex offenders for the rest of their lives."
Yet these promising young men took photos of an unconscious girl as they penetrated her and violated her. Was anyone disturbed by those images as they passed them onto others? Did anyone care enough to make statements about her future and the damage done to her? No! It was simply entertainment. And I know damn well if boys had not been brought to trial, and not been held accountable for their actions - they would be bragging. They would feel like conquerors until adulthood when maybe, just maybe, some morality would niggle in...or maybe they would have daughters they felt were valuable enough to protect. Okay, I don't know damn well, but it feels like a truth of many situations when a woman is raped. The man is - The Man, the victor, the conqueror. The woman is nothing - a prop.
I am angry. I am angry at the names thrown at the young woman - a slut. What are these young men? Isn't there something wrong with them and their view of sexuality? Their actions? Yet no one is calling them bad names. They are promising young athletes.
That is the rape culture of this violent society we live in. Women are not of value...It makes me nauseous!
Okay...deep breath...calm down...
Another subject...
Yes, I did find the connection between B#2 and S#3. Reading about your last, thinking about your second...then thinking about my third led me. My third was hospitalized after birth and had major surgery at 11 days old. I was not allowed to touch him for days. I was not allowed to hold him or nurse him for longer. I spent days next to his incubette with my hand on him, hoping he didn't feel alone. Physically, he recovered, but emotionally - not so fast. This sweet, loving, cooperative little boy would collapse into screaming sometimes. It would go on and on. I would hold him and rock him and try to hold his gaze. He would be rigid, screaming, until his body would collapse and he would start sobbing. Then it would be over. This was really hard because his dad was only home on weekends, so I had to deal with it alone. I remember one time, when he was 3, and it started, and I thought, "I can't do this." I was afraid I was going to hurt him. I put him on the back porch and told him to stay there until he was done yelling. I left him outside for several minutes while I calmed down, then when and got him. I hated myself, but I didn't hurt him. But it was so hard...tears are coming as I remember being alone with this. I didn't have anyone.
I did research and found that hospitalized babies have different levels of cortisol than babies who are not separated from their mamas. I found that his behavior was not abnormal. In fact his life-partner has a brother who was also hospitalized and showed similar traits, although his out of control was more violent and threatening than my sons's ever were.
In our sibling group - B#2 was repeatedly hospitalized for the asthma - all throughout his life. And because there were so many of us, I think he was just left at the hospital alone - Mom knew he was safe there. S#3 did not come home from the hospital because of her hips. Mom was sent home without her - and again we have another abandoned baby.
This separation from mama, from home, from the breast - it has to be the root of so much despair in life for so many of us. Then we had those child psychologists recommending more separation to make us tough. We are a sick and violent society.
Also, we know B#2 was sexually abused. We know it. Otherwise he never would have become an abuser. And it had to be so confusing, because he was dad's favorite child. Dad was awful to B#1 and even worse to B#3. B#4 was lucky - he was born while dad was gone. I think that is why he is less damaged than the other boys.
You're right - no mention of B#2. Life is back to normal. As long as no one is trying to kill themselves. we're fine! But Mom did mention that Cousin M. is going to visit his daughter and will stop to visit B#1 and B#2, so I think they are still close...that B#2 is settling with or near B#1.
In May - my closest friend from college (I love these code names we have come up with - you know exactly who I mean!) and I are potentially planning to go away the first weekend of May to celebrate my birthday, which I shared with her dad. We may go to a sheep show, since it is a shared interest. And my youngest is due to deliver on May 13. Otherwise, the month is wide open. When do you want to come?
Feeling a bit emotional today...Hope you are calm and feeling loved and appreciated!
Clare
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