Trust...

Supposedly having many siblings leads to:
1. Higher creativity
2. Lower intelligence
3. Less happiness - it decreases a bit more with each new kid
4. Lower incidence of obesity
5. Fewer allergies
6. Decreased chance of divorce

Clare,
First I'll think about this list. I do believe there is higher creativity, at least I see that in our family. But, I've read that boredom stimulates the active pursuit of the imagination…it's good to be bored if you're motivated to let your mind play. So, I'm not sure. I remember feeling "bored to tears" as an adolescent. But, was I really reading my emotions right? I could have just felt confused by the repression of bad stuff.

The intelligence thing probably has to do with poor prenatal experience…how much reserve does one mother's body have when you're having one pregnancy after another? Also the lack of one on one time for reading and skin contact and hearing the voice all of which stimulate brain growth and development of the synapsis.

Happiness- I struggle with what happiness is. I've asked my youngest to try to modify his definition of happiness from constant thrills to contentment. Perhaps that lack of contentment is part of being one of many, invisible in the sea of children.

Obesity- I think that depends upon whether or not there was adversity associated with the large family. Some large families are kind and nurturing, some are abusive and in survival mode at all times. I think that goes back to the cortisol thing from the zebras book.

Allergies- Not sure…
there's the exposure theory that says we don't allow our kids to get dirty enough and so they have allergy…there's a newer thought that gut bacteria are important…
lack of the specific ones will allow allergy to develop…
there's the stress model…
if there's a lot of stress and cortisol then any allergic symptoms will be masked by the steroids.
And then you've got to think about how long the stress lasts and if it ends in adrenal fatigue.

Decreased chance of divorce…
I think this one depends upon the quality of the parental relationship and the examples set. If there's less divorce because the person has separation anxiety…
because Mom didn't bond well…
then that's not really a healthy relationship.

I'm not sure why I needed to work through all of that, but it stimulated my brain and I thank you for that.

I do think that we all have a place within that we stuff all of the bad stuff. Your dream/vision is a reminder of that. So what do you do with that now? Are you ready to hear the stories that are within that being? Are you ready to process that part of your history and integrate it into who you really are? 

Life is a process of integration. I believe that we are working to regain that wholeness that exists on the other side…
within the collective consciousness. 
I think our purpose- one of our purposes- in this life is to gather our pieces and integrate…
Integrity. 
But that process is not for the faint of heart. It requires great courage and stamina.
Part of the message that I shared in session the other day had to do with courage to leave home and find our purpose and our self. She is disabled and was separated from her mother after her parents' divorce. She visited on weekends, but her siblings lived with the mother full time…so it was perceived as rejection. She is now helping mom all of the time, afraid to move into life…afraid to succeed…afraid to fail…afraid to trust. She wants to stay safe and uncomfortable comfortable in the nest of her mother's home. She has separation anxiety in her 20s.
So I shared  that "the nest" would always be there…
even if she travels miles away. 
It's a place in the heart, not a geographic location. 
That her mother's love cannot be bought or secured by staying close and performing every task of the household. (I'm having flashes of S#5 right now)
That if her mother truly loves her she will encourage her pursuit of dreams rather than holding her stagnant.
That she possesses the courage and fortitude to move forward…
all within her own self…
she has to trust…
first herself…
then others.

So, I caught my older son taking more money out of my account than we agreed upon. I am worried about what he is doing with his money. I am more worried about the deceitfulness. I want to continue to trust him…but he, and his brother, are making that a real challenge. If I blindly trust then I'm enabling poor behavior. I have to find a balance.

Have fun at your Quaker weekend. 
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie