Good morning...The eclipse is happening right now. We have heavy cloud cover, but the very beginning of the eclipse was visible here at about 5:00 am. It is 7:30, and passed dawn, so we couldn't see anything anymore, even if the clouds magically disappeared.
Instead of an eclipse, I am watching the traditional Easter snow fall gently from the sky.
I have been thinking about detachment all week, and relaxing and letting whatever happens, happen. I realize I have the hardest time with this during holidays.
Like last Christmas, spending Christmas Day without any of my children. It seemed as if Easter might be the same. Sons#2 and #3 have family obligations with wife and girlfriend. D#1 is so bogged down in work and trying desperately to finish school by May that she is incommunicado almost all the time. She is exhausted. Luckily, she asks for, and appreciates, my help with editing and with Algebra. So I get to spend some time with her. She has not responded, so I have no idea if she will come to dinner tomorrow or not. So it will be Nephew, my youngest and her little family - very casual and relaxed. Perfect.
But before the dust settled and I knew whether or not to cook, I had a really hard night. Being alone on holidays seems to prove a person has no value, no connections. I know that is not true at all, but it feels that way. And I don't want to be the aging relative that gets trotted out for holidays, then forgotten for the rest of the year. But I went deeper. I am more Animist than Christian. I have real problems with the Bible, and especially the way it is wielded as a weapon. This movement has pushed me further and further away from the indoctrination of my childhood. So Christmas and Easter do not have the same spiritual significance to me as to many others.
So why do I care? Why do I celebrate?
Christmas is the return of the Light. And Easter welcomes spring, especially years without Easter snow.
So, what would be valid celebrations for me? I'm not sure. If I could find them, though, wouldn't that be a relief for my kids? No more pressure to be present with all families for all holidays.....
For this year, though, we colored eggs yesterday, and we will have an Easter dinner tomorrow - including recipes from Grammy, Grandma and my mother-in-law.
Hope your celebration is authentic and loving.
Happy Welcome Spring Holiday!
Love and hugs from Clare
Rereading your last post,and thinking about mine - my not knowing how to change the holidays, yet knowing what is now is not authentic seems a bit like your group of depressed women. What we have is not working, but it's so hard to imagine something different. Then change - it is terrifying...I wish you much patience and wisdom. And keep sharing, because it makes me think!!
C.
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